EPL Gameweek 35 Fantasy Preview: Pinch Me, I'm Better than George Best

Flying back to LAX yesterday, I had a layover in Chicago. I got off the plane and walked into the United Airlines terminal - and was immediately surrounded by hundreds of travelers wearing those goofy respiratory masks. I mean, hundreds. Women and men, young and old, all pretending to be surgeons. 

Or protecting themselves from the swine flu. 

Either way, I went mask-less. Maybe it's because I'm Israeli and a little flu doesn't scare me - I grew up with Uzis and rockets after all - or maybe it's because a virus supposedly reaching pandemic stage just isn't as interesting to me as a Manchester United - Arsenal Champions League semifinal. 

So after calling my broker and having him immediately buy stock in all of the companies that manufacture/sell face masks and hand sanitizing products (disclaimer: he poured my life savings into 3M, Kimberly-Clark Crop, CVS, and Walgreen's), I searched for the nearest airport bar to catch the Champions League highlights...

And here we are. The Champions League in its final stage. Another week of predicting the Premier League. With only a month left, let's make the most of our time and jump right in:

I. Newcastle @ Liverpool: The best match for a neutral, by far, in my opinion. Newcastle trail Hull by 3 points, but have a far better goal differential than the Tigers do. Alan Shearer is still fighting an uphill battle to avoid relegation, but he still has two winnable home games (Boro & Fulham) and could actually do this. Liverpool, on the other hand, offer the greatest chance to leapfrog Manchester United to the title, but also face an uphill battle in their pursuit.

Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard is set to return to action - which could dramatically reduce the fantasy footie value of blog favorite Benayoun and Dirk Kuyt. Gerrard should partner with stud Fernando Torres. I would be very surprised if the attacking spoils were not shared amongst those four high-scoring and in-form players.

Manager Alan Shearer has yet to find his best formation / side and a 0-0 draw with Portsmouth on Monday night did little to improve morale, but perhaps he can find the magic upset formula this weekend.

Doubtful. Liverpool won 5-1 the last time these teams met, and I expect another comfortable victory despite Newcastle's battling style.

Prediction: 3 - 1 Liverpool

II. Blackburn @ Manchester City: Honorable mention here goes to the "obvious" fantasy friendly pick - WBA visiting Tottenham - but my gut feeling says stick with City.

What an amazing year for Stephen Ireland - 9 goals and 9 assists - we just can't gush about this guy enough. I've had him since the start and many managers often believed that Ireland "will never last," and was just having a "lucky start," but if you actually got to see the man in action (either in the league or the UEFA Cup) you knew his vision and passing skills were absolutely sublime. His through ball is tasty, and he finds himself bursting into the box at the right times (just like Lampard does) - getting goals with late runs. Wow. What a player. What a season.

I expect Ireland, Robinho, and company to be too much for a Blackburn team that have lost their last 3 road games by a combined score of nine to zero. Not good. Blackburn aren't 'safe' by any means, but they are close, and they will provide a fight - I just think City have too much talent up front, and are way too tough to beat at home.

Prediction: Man City 3 - 1

III. Studs and Duds: Tottenham's Bent is out for the season but Defoe and Keane are certainly studs this week. Along with Lennon and Modric, the Tottenham men should push for goals against WBA at home. WBA will be led by bargain pick Chris Brunt (4.8M) who is in form and is the only hope for the Baggies to stay up... Buy Tottenham. Hold Brunt. No real surprises there.

It's Rio's ribs this time, not his back, that look like they will force the United skipper out of the lineup against Boro. But Jonny Evans (4.2M) is cheap and looks a "bargain" stud to take the place of Ferdinand, an expensive dud. Other cheap "surprise" stud defensive options may include Chelsea's Ivanovic (5.1M) or Mancienne (5M) depending on Hiddink's rest and rotation ahead of the huge Champions League second leg against Barcelona. Liverpool's Insua (4.8M) straddles the stud/dud fence as Newcastle push forward for a goal at Anfield and with the threat of Aurelio or Dossena coming into the side for the youngster.

Lastly, I believe Aston Villa players are worth backing. From studs in 2008 to duds in 2009, Villa have risen and fallen faster than most - but still do possess some excellent quality. Shorey and Luke Young are cheap at the back, Barry / Milner / A Young are great options in midfield, and Agbonlahor may be back to face free-falling Hull.

IV. EPL Gameweek 35 Best Eleven:

GK: Cech

D: Onuoha - Evans - Shawcross

M: Ronaldo - Gerrard- Lampard - Ireland - Lennon

F: Robinho - Defoe

Ouch, My Ribs: Rio's Ribs to Break United?

Rio Ferdinand is a major doubt for United's visit to Boro on Saturday with a rib injury. Jonny Evans (4.2M) should partner Nemanja Vidic in central defense.

Evans may be an inexpensive fantasy stopgap, but the Northern Irish youngster has yet to set the fantasy world on fire...

In Evans' last four Premier League starts, United have kept only one clean sheet. In 1082 minutes played this season, Evans has neither a goal nor an assist.

Butt's Brain: Tuesday Musings...

Some very quick footie related musings... I've been out of town for a few days but will return tomorrow evening in preparation for a weekend of Premier League action...

• I'm a bit down - I've all but lost the inaugural "home Microsoft Excel based fantasy premier league competition." Still up 40 points in my mini-league with 4 weeks to go on the official fantasy premeir league website, but I could only muster a draw this week in my incredibly competitive and enjoyable home league- conducted via Microsoft Excel spreadsheets and sent to Gmail accounts all around the world. I captained Fernando Torres. If I had just gone with Arbeloa (4), Schwarzer (6), Glen Johnson (8), Lampard (8), Ireland (9), Ronaldo (14), or even Brunt (14) - the result would have been different. Yes, seven players on my team outscored my Captain. Hindsight is always 20-20, and Fernando did hit the crossbar, and Liverpool did score 3 goals - so if you had told me Liverpool would win 3-1 and Chelsea 1-0 before the match, I still would have gone Fernando over Frank. Only Evra (1) scored worse than Torres (2) for me this week. In the end, don't ever let someone convince you that the captain's armband isn't the most important aspect of this crazy game we all love...

• But, just as I was "down" I get pulled back "up" as my main man Yossi Benayoun gets some props. Rafa plans to offer Israel's finest a new contract. We get to watch Yossi in the EPL for years to come. Fun. Better than getting grainy feeds of Maccabi Haifa matches again.

• I didn't get to watch it - but Chelsea parked the team bus today against Barcelona and came out with a 0-0 draw. I wonder if Hiddink will rest his stars this weekend in the Premier League and focus on the second leg?

• Swine flu cancelled FIFA U-17 World Cup Qualifiers in Mexico. Make sure to wash your hands, people.

• I think Arsenal will come out of Old Trafford with a positive result tomorrow: a draw or an away goal at least.

Jermain Defoe's Brother Dies After Attack

He was back in training this week and set to feature against league leaders Manchester United, but striker and blog favorite Jermaine Defoe will not be traveling with his team to Old Trafford today.

His brother was killed last night following a street assault. Forget Manchester United and forget Liverpool just for a moment today.

Life is fragile, and we wish any Tottenham supporters or Defoe family/friends peace.

Funny Feeling Friday: Emiliano Insua

This one is really coming out of nowhere, but just hear me out. Insua is selected by just 0.1% of fantasy managers. Not one percent. 1/10 of one percent. Basically, no one owns Liverpool's cheapest left back. That's the bad news. 

The good news? The club has kept a clean sheet all three times that the left back Insua (4.8M) has featured for Liverpool in 2009. 3-for-3. Perfect. Can't get any better than that.

After Liverpool conceded 4 goals at home to Arsenal - surely the master of rotation Rafa Benitez will look to bring in a new face or two? Insua could be the prime candidate.

Fabio Aurelio is of course the preferred option at left back, and this column is by no means an endorsement for those of you who are either a) sane or b) have more pressing issues (getting rid of the injured Kranjcar or Beattie, for example) but it's just a "funny feeling" I have. I'm going with my gut: 

Insua to play at Hull and pick up either a clean sheet or an assist? The 20 year old Argentine has never scored for Liverpool, perhaps he can prove that I am a Premier League pundit after all.

Come on you, Insua.

Frank Lampard. Respect.

London radio host calls Lampard "weak and scum" after Lampard's beak-up with his longtime girlfriend Elen Rives. Lampard remained in his big house while his ex moved into a smaller apartment with the two kids.

Lampard calls into the radio show. Respect. Lampard dominates host:

[via The Offside]

EPL Gameweek 34 Fantasy Preview

Why waste 10M (Arshavin) on a brilliant midfielder classified as a striker when you can spend just 6.6M (Walcott) for one? Will the cheap Amr Zaki return to Wigan's starting lineup and get in on the goals? Will the even cheaper Nicklas Bendtner put two in the back of the net to send down Boro?

A week of major fantasy question marks due to injuries, rest and rotation news is upon us. The silver lining could be ignoring the hype around the high priced studs like Arshavin and making a few bargain buys to catch your mini-league leaders with only a month to go...

Let's preview the (I) best Premier League match from a neutral's perspective (II) the most fantasy friendly fixture (III) an analysis of stud and dud performers and (IV) a prediction of a weekly best eleven.

I. Tottenham @ Manchester United: Can Manchester United slip up? Every neutral fan is hoping for the race to come down to the wire - and who more capable to help that wish along than Harry Redknapp? Redknapp has done a great job turning around Tottenham and they visit Old Trafford with an outside shot of qualifying for Europe. 

Manchester United will be without Gary Neville and John O'Shea - both are out due to injury. One of my all time favorite right backs - more for his tackling ability, pace, and the fact that he has been an inexpensive option in the past than his hair style choices - Wes Brown (5.5m) - may return. It's likely, however, that youngster Rafael da Silva could start the match at Old Trafford with Brown saved for United's Champions League match with Arsenal next week.

On top of the defensive injury worries, Sir Alex's men will hope they can improve on the offensive side of the pitch come Saturday. The squad beat Portsmouth 2-0 this week but the finishing was far from fluid, and it took a late Michael Carrick goal to settle the nerves at Old Trafford. Cristiano Ronaldo managed to look brilliant against Porto last week, but add a "smouth" to that "Port" and he somehow couldn't produce the goods against a bottom of the table Premier League side. Tottenham are better than Portsmouth, and he'll have to be at his best to penetrate the Spurs' defense.

Dimitar Berbatov (9.6m) could feature against his old club, but has scored just 1 goal in United's last seven matches. Nevertheless, United should have just enough firepower to squeeze past Spurs.

Prediction: 2 - 1 Manchester United

II. Middlesbrough @ Arsenal: The only thing that could stop Arsenal from taking out Boro convincingly this weekend will be Arsenal. Middlesbrough are fighting a relegation battle, but manager Arsene Wenger is more concerned about the Champions League - and thus, may opt to rest his stars for this crucial encounter. Arshavin and one of Bendtner / Eduardo should enjoy most of the attacking spoils, while defensively, Arsenal could welcome back Manuel Almunia and/or Johan Djourou. Robin van Persie is out due to injury, as usual.

Surprisingly for a Top 4 side, Arsenal offer a plethora of inexpensive fantasy footie options. Alex Song is usually deployed in a defensive role but at 4.9M, is hitting a bit of form. Theo Walcott is just 6.6M, while Nicklas Bendtner is 5.5M. Arsenal's next 2 (Boro and Portsmouth) look great on paper - but factor in Champions League rest and rotation - and Chelsea and Manchester United in the league after that - investing in the Gunners looks to be a short term gamble. 

Nevertheless, the Gunners have not conceded a goal in their last 5 home games - and I expect the streak to continue.

Prediction: Arsenal 3 - 0 

III. Studs and Duds: Jo is ineligible against Manchester City, so studs Cahill (7.9M) or Fellaini (6.6M) should be pushed further up front as a second striker... City have been awful on the road this season and I expect Everton's aerial presence to cause City some problems. Saha (6.3M) and even the cheap Vaughan (5.1M) could be surprise stud scorers...

Everyone has a few of them, but Portsmouth attacking players straddle the stud / dud fence after disappointing in their double gameweek. It's Newcastle's last chance to take something - and I find it hard to believe that Portsmouth can put together a decent away performance in what will be a loud St. James Park. Kranjcar is injured and Crouch is tall but ineffective, so there should be better options elsewhere this week. Pompey turn from studs to duds.

An interesting stud/dud straddle this week are Fulham/Stoke players. We all have them because they are so cheap but they play each other in what should be a low-scoring dull game. Former stud but current dud James Beattie is out for Stoke, which could hand an opportunity to Cresswell (4.8M) or Camara (4.6M) but the better pick would be Ricardo Fuller (5.3M). If Stoke have any chance of breaking through the brick wall that is Mark Schwarzer - it will be Fuller or Liam Lawrence (5.1M) doing the business. I think Fulham are the slight favorites here and I expect a close encounter.

Lastly, Liverpool's midfield situation could offer us some major studs if Gerrard is still out. If Gerrard is fit, he's a stud to link up with Torres and put the sword to Hull City. But if he misses out (his inclusion is still up in the air, and we should find out tomorrow) - Xabi Alonso (6.1M), Yossi Benayoun (6.6M), and Dirk Kuyt (8.7M) should pick up the attacking slack. For Kranjcar owners looking to drop the injured Croat, those are some nice alternatives...

I've included Gerrard in the "weekly picks" below - but would replace him with Kuyt if he fails his late fitness test and doesn't make the match...

IV. EPL Gameweek 34 Best Eleven:

GK: Reina

D: Evra - Alex - Sagna

M: Ronaldo - Lampard - Gerrard - M. Taylor - J. Milner

F: Torres - Drogba

Fantasy at Anfield: But Did You Miss Out?

Yesterday's sensational 4-4 draw between Arsenal and Liverpool may have Manchester United licking their lips as Portsmouth visit Old Trafford today - but also has fantasy football managers licking their lips even more... 

Did you miss out on Arshavin (8% owned), Torres (22% owned) or Benayoun (2%) yesterday? Have you missed the bandwagon? Should you buy right away? Here are the answers:

1. Arshavin: Has proved the doubters wrong by settling in immediately despite being classified as a striker in the fantasy premier league game. Pros: He just scored 4 goals at Anfield and his confidence is sky-high. Ineligible for the Champions League, he is guaranteed to start every Premier League game as Arsenal rest and rotate their players over the last month. Cons: He seems to have his best games when RvP and/or Adebayor are not in the lineup - and is still playing out wide. His 4 goal outburst was sort of a "fluke," in the sense that Liverpool gifted him 2 of 4. Nevertheless, he still took the goals brilliantly w/ clinical finishing. 

Verdict: Arsenal still have to face off against Chelsea and Manchester United and Arshavin is still playing as a wide midfielder. At 9.9M, it would take a pretty gutsy manager to bring him in after he has already scored 4 in one game. It seems a bit foolish to expect that Arshavin will be able to produce those returns in the future. That said, if your league leader doesn't feature Arshavin, and you need to make a desperation play, you could take a punt on the Russian import. His facial expressions during goal celebrations scream "avoid me at all costs, you've missed the boat."

2. Torres: Has scored 4 goals in his last 2 Premier League matches. Pros: He is Fernando Torres. Is free from Rafa-rotation since Liverpool are out of the Champions League. Is in-form. Cons: Costs 12.3M in the fantasy premier league game. With Steven Gerrard's return from injury this week, could the money be better spent on Stevie G - someone who takes free kicks, penalties, and is playing as a "Second striker" alongside Torres - and then buying a James Beattie (6.1M, on penalties) or a similar inexpensive striker who can still do the business.

Verdict: I'd rather have Gerrard for the run-in than Torres, but you have to have one or the other at this point with just 5 games left in the season. Liverpool are down but not out, and their fixtures are kind. Winning a mini-league title without one or the other seems very difficult in my opinion - unless you've already staked yourself to a whopping 75+ point lead - in which case - could you please email us at nevercaptainnickybutt [at] gmail [dot] com with your advice, since clearly we need your tips more than you need ours. But more seriously, it's difficult to afford both Gerrard and Torres (whilst keeping Ronaldo/Lampard) so pick one and go for it - they both should come good over the last month and rack up the bonus points.

3. Benayoun: The injury time goalscoring specialist is having a nice spring. Steven Gerrard said after the 4-4 thriller yesterday, "Torres and Benayoun were frightening going forward. Yossi was my man of the match." Pros: At just 6.6m, the Israeli has quietly scored 6 goals this season despite often starting on the bench. He is in form and it will be difficult to drop him from the side despite Gerrard's return to the starting lineup. Cons: With Gerrard back, the attacking points will shift back to Stevie G and stay with Torres, while Benayoun and Dirk Kuyt will shift from central attacking roles to wide positions - or in Benayoun's case, possibly to the bench. 

Verdict: It's unfortunate that such a class player finds himself played out of position (on the wing rather than in a central attacking midfield role) more often than not, but Benayoun is probably not worth it at this stage. Players in the same price range like Stephen Ireland and Matty Taylor will surely outscore the inspirational Israeli from here on out.

So, that's that - a bit of 'fantasy' thinking regarding yesterday's 4-4 instant classic. With Chelsea at home to Everton today, and Manchester United taking on Portsmouth, perhaps we'll have some new fantasy heroes?

Quote of the Season: Fulham's Mohamed Al-Fayed

Fulham have been a surprise club this year in the Premier League. Roy Hodgson's brilliant management, the emergence of inexpensive fantasy studs Brede Hangeland, Clint Dempsey, and Mark Schwarzer, and a superb home record at Craven Cottage have all contributed to the London team's success.

Despite the club's on-field accomplishments, their owner, billionaire Egyptian businessman Mohamed Al-Fayed, is still as outspoken and flamboyant as he ever was:

Speaking out against the disparity between rich clubs and poor clubs, and the rising expenses and player wages across the league, Al-Fayed said "The Premier League and the FA are run by donkeys who don't understand business, who are dazzled by money."

Not that shocking. Not that big of a deal. But here's the ballsy kicker:

Al-Fayed urged the chairmen of other clubs to join him in his crusade: "In fact they can come have lunch with me at Harrods, where I can serve them stags' testicles. We all need big balls in this business."

Yummy.

Football Club Refunds Fans for "Pitiful" Performance

Energie Cottbus' players will reimburse the entrance fee of their fans who made the 610 kilometres journey to see the team lose 4-0 at Schalke this past weekend. The German club are second from bottom in the Bundesliga table, and are in danger of relegation. 

The players will refund the cost of admission to supporters and apologized for their performance in a press release titled, "Sorry."

I, however, am not "sorry" for posting the image above of a German football fan who was clearly not affected by the pitiful 4-0 loss.

Butt's Brain: Pompey Stays Up (?!) & Fabianski's Blunder

A quick recap of today's low-scoring (fantasy) Premier League and FA Cup action...

• "Glen Johnson and Niko Kranjcar excelled" but a nasty injury forced Kranjcar to be taken off on a stretcher in Portsmouth's 1-0 win. I started both Johnson and Kranjcar (c) and am delighted with the clean sheet but demoralized by the ankle injury to Pompey's best player...

• Did I call this one or not? Come on, give the (often incorrect) pundit a bit of credit here. Beattie continues his excellent performance as a budget striker and I smile as I've had him for the great ride...

• Nothing new here: Fulham's Mark Schwarzer (41% owned), the most popular player in the fantasy premier league game - heroically denies Boro - who by all accounts dominated the match and kept the ball in Fulham's half for long stretches.

• Drogba wins it for Chelsea in the FA Cup. Arsenal's Fabianski with the blunder, and surely Fernando Torres, Dirk Kuyt and Yossi Benayoun will be licking their lips as they take on Fabianski and the Gunners on Tuesday. Will the massive error affect the big Pole's confidence? We shall see.

Breaking News: Gerrard Out of Arsenal Match

"I'm now out for 3 EPL games in a row."

Steven Gerrard will reportedly miss Liverpool's massive match with Arsenal on Tuesday after being sidelined further with his continuing groin problem.

Gerrard just can't seem to shake off the injury which also kept him out of Liverpool's thrilling Champions League loss to Chelsea this week.

Funny Feeling Friday: Tuncay

An unpopular (in fantasy terms), underrated, or out of form player I think may surprise on the weekend... 

You definitely don't own him - it's Boro's Tuncay. Tuncay (6.7M) is owned by just 1% of fantasy premier league managers but if Boro have any chance of staying up (and beating Fulham at home this weekend) Tuncay will be involved.

He has 6 Premier League goals this season. Just a funny feeling, but I think he may threaten blog favorite Mark Schwarzer's goal a bit this weekend.

Good luck to all managers.

EPL Gameweek 33 Fantasy Preview: Captain Courageous

If you are the Captain of an American cargo ship in the Indian Ocean, your main threat is probably pirates. If you are the Captain of a fantasy premier league squad, your biggest fear is lack of production - and the wrath of millions of obsessed footie fans worldwide. I'd rather be the Captain of the cargo ship.

Let's get to the weekend preview and look at (I) the best EPL match from a neutral's perspective, (II) the most fantasy footie friendly game (III) an analysis of stud and dud performers and (IV) this week's best eleven players.

I. Arsenal @ Liverpool: They don't meet until Tuesday, but this one is going to be very interesting. Arsenal face Chelsea in the FA Cup this weekend while Liverpool rest their legs and prepare for the Gunners' visit to Anfield.

But when Tuesday rolls around, Liverpool will be looking to a healthy Steven Gerrard to take them one step closer to the Premier League title. Arsenal are in-form, in the semifinals of the Champions League, but do have a host of defensive injuries to deal with.

Liverpool have played Arsenal eight times over the past two years (2007 and 2008) and have scored in all eight games - so expect fantasy studs Gerrard and Torres, and to a lesser extent Kuyt or Alonso, to be in on the action. I expect goals in this one then as Liverpool must win if they have any chance of beating United to the finish line. Rafa's team is scoring with ease and I expect more of the same.

Fantasy managers should play their Liverpool and Arsenal stars, but this is not the week to go out and purchase players from either of these teams. Rafa is the master of rotation, and Arsenal could be spent after their FA Cup tie, so this one is a bit tough to predict. To keep the title race alive, I have to go with a well rested Gerrard to provide that extra bit of quality to beat stand-in Arsenal keeper Lukasz Fabianski and give Liverpool the three points.

Prediction: 2 - 1 Liverpool

II. WBA @ Manchester City: The most inconsistent side in the Premier League squaring off against the team bound for the Coca-Cola Championship should give us plenty of goals. Neither of these teams really have much to play for (sorry City fans - you won't secure a UEFA Cup spot, and sorry WBA fans you will not stay up) so the attacking points should be plentiful.

Stephen Ireland should win the PFA Young Player of the Year Award after a remarkable season, and will be involved in all things good for City this weekend. Robinho (9.1M) hasn't scored in 2009 - unbelievably terrible - but WBA are just the team to remedy that barren spell, while one of Felipe Caicedo (4.9M), Ched Evans (4.7M) or Valeri Bojinov (5.5M) could get a start up front and produce the goods with blog favorite Craig Bellamy still out injured.

Defensively, City look like they should offer fantasy managers rewards through Given, Bridge, and Zabaleta - but WBA really have nothing to lose and I can see them picking up a goal as they did on their travels to Portsmouth last weekend. Nevertheless, City are still a strong option both offensively and defensively, and the quality they will put on the pitch should be enough for a WBA side that can really only be described at this point as "done."

Prediction: 3 - 1 Manchester City.

III. Studs and Duds: Tottenham's Jonathan Woodgate (goal and bonus points threat) and Benoit Assou-Ekotto (cheap value play at 4.4M) look like studs at home to Newcastle, despite the Shearer effect. Tottenham are tough at home. Now that I have typed that - One of Viduka, Martins, Owen, Ameobi and Carroll will surely ruin the clean sheet. Go figure. Tottenham's attacking players (Modric, Keane, and Lennon) look like studs, but this game may be a bit too early for Jermain Defoe. 

Once again, Stoke are at home, this time to a Santa Cruz-less Blackburn team. Play your Shawcross, Beattie, or Fuller picks with confidence in that one. 

I don't care that Bolton scored 3 goals in eight minutes at Stamford Bridge last week, Everton defensive studs turn to duds this week. Howard, Lescott, Jagielka, Baines, etc. are not that appealing to me, though Baines' service in attacking positions makes him a bit more attractive.

Finally, let's analyze stud and dud "Captain" choices. I would love your opinions in the comments section. It's a very difficult week to chose a captain - Gerrard has a slight groin problem and faces off against Arsenal, Chelsea have only scored five goals in their last five matches against Moyes' excellent Everton which takes a bit of Lampard's luster away, Ronaldo could be rested/rotated for the Portsmouth match, and speaking of Portsmouth - Crouch and Kranjcar may have two games, but one is at Manchester United... Very difficult. 

IV. EPL Gameweek 33 Best Eleven:

GK: C. Gordon

D: G. Johnson - Vidic - Woodgate

M: Ronaldo - Lampard - Ireland - Kranjcar - Modric

F: Crouch - Robinho

Cristiano Ronaldo 1, Porto 0

C. Ronaldo 1:0 gegen FC Porto - MyVideo

Amazing strike by an amazing player. Hate him or love him, few men who have breathed have ever been able to do this with a football.

Jump on the Bandwagon: Jermain Defoe

Get the bandwagon ready. Jermain Defoe is back. The most popular non-Ronaldo post we've ever had here at Never Captain Nicky Butt was our breaking news in January reporting that Defoe had broken his foot. Thousands hit the site that day because the news was still not confirmed - and thus - was not being reported on any other football blogs or mainstream websites until the next morning - so we got a bit of lead time and made the most of it. We felt proud. Good. Strong enough to beat the world!

So, now - just as we let you know that Defoe was gone from our fantasy footballing lives for a few months, we must let you know that he is back.

Defoe (7.9M) will immediately reduce the value of in-form Tottenham striker Robbie Keane (8.9M) and come as a cheaper alternative as Redknapp's men push for a UEFA Cup (Europa League) position.

In ~ 1700 minutes of football this season, Defoe has scored 10 goals.

In ~ 2000 minutes of football this season, Keane has scored 8 goals.

You be the judge. But I'm going with the little guy.

Tottenham Tuesday

Embedded above is by far the greatest Harry Redknapp clip of all time. We've shown it before but let's show it again for old time's sake. It has nothing to do with today's real football news - that Chelsea beat Liverpool in an amazing Champions League quarterfinal match. Who cares. It's brilliant.

In other Tottenham news, fellow blogger One-One-Eight, a Tottenham supporter, sent me this amusing (unless you are a Spurs supporter) email this afternoon:

The good: Spurs reserves beat Arsenal reserves 2-1 today.

The bad: 15 million pound David Bentley scored twice.

The ugly: Alan Hutton. He also played in the reserve match.

Gilberto, Richardo Roca, Jamie O'Hara, Pascal Chimbonda, 

Gareth Bale, and Frazier Campbell all featured.

45 million pounds of players in the reserves!

Here is the fair and balanced match summary.

Please reply to this e-mail with your Champions League / 

Premier League / FA Cup taunts.

Play Up Pompey: Alexandre Gaydamak Wants to Sell, But You Should Buy Buy Buy

My friends all know that I love Papa Bouba Diop. The name rolls off the tongue like any star Senegalese stud's name would. Diop is a classic modern footballer. He is quick, strong, but also possesses technical ability - and contributes both offensively and defensively. He is stable. Unheralded. A workhorse. A protector. A passer with vision. The type of player who will never wear the number 10 jersey but will protect the number 10 and feed him brilliant through balls. 

So, while Portsmouth have missed that bit of quality and stability in the middle (the club's best player last season by a country mile Lassana Diarra is now at Real Madrid and Diop has been injured for a majority of the season) this year - and are struggling for their Premier League survival - the south coast club now takes center stage with a "double gameweek" for fantasy footie managers.

So, should managers buy Portsmouth players? The short answer - judging by form - should be no. Portsmouth were booed off the pitch after a 2-2 home draw with WBA this past weekend. But the longer answer - "if you are chasing league leaders and need to differentiate your squad and take a massive gamble and if the manager you are chasing does not feature Portsmouth players" could, and should be "yes." There are only six weeks left in the Premier League season. It's time to make some moves.

I am fortunate enough to be 64 points ahead of my rival Stepovers Anonymous and thus making a host of transfers isn't in my best interest at this point - so I will not be practicing what I am about to preach - but for some managers - buying 1 or 2 Pompey players may be the difference between winning and losing a league title.

Portsmouth play at home to Bolton and travel to Manchester United over the next week - so it looks like buying Pompey defenders is not the smartest move in the world. If you do take the plunge - Glen Johnson (5.4M) is your best bet. He is an attacking defender and has provided 2 assists in his last 3 matches. (He was suspended for the WBA match.)

The Pompey profits though, should be had up front. Bolton conceded 4 to Chelsea on the weekend, while Manchester United's once incredible defensive line has looked shaky lately. Furthermore, Portsmouth will take on a United team that will be facing it's 3rd match in a week (Champions League at Porto on the 15th, FA Cup against Everton on the 19th, and then Portsmouth on the 22nd, yikes) - so Sir Alex could have some tired legs, fresh injury problems, and may need to rotate the side. This all spells good news for Pompey's two major attacking studs - the relatively cheap Peter Crouch (7.9M) and even cheaper Niko Kranjcar (6.1M).

Kranjcar has picked up a whopping 9 bonus points in the last 4 weeks and amazingly - Portsmouth only won one of those four matches. So, he's pulling the strings regardless of the final result. Win, draw, or loss - he should be in on the action.

Nugent (5.4M) is cheap but mediocre, as is Hreidarrson (4.8M) who has picked up five yellow cards in his last eight matches - a Fellaini like return - not good. Those who can't afford Crouch or Johnson may make a move for Nugent or Hreidarrson but will most likely be left quite disappointed.

So, in sum: we've lost Diarra and Defoe, and Diop hasn't featured in 2009 due to a knee problem - depriving us of some real quality on the field - but Portsmouth do have some bright attacking talent (Kranjcar and Crouch) and you could do much worse than taking a punt on Pompey for the double week.

I may even captain Crouch. It sounds crazy but it will pay off if he pulls out the rope.

Can You Afford Him? Me Neither

Funny Feeling Friday: Obafemi Martins

Here's our next Funny Feeling Friday installment. A "gut feeling" about an underrated, out of form, or unpopular player stepping up his game in the coming weeks.

Martins, valued at 6.6M, is owned by only 2% of fantasy footie managers, but if Newcastle are going to stay up - they are going to need to start scoring goals - and that's where Martins (and the more expensive Michael Owen) come into the equation.

Once again, I'm not recommending Martins as the most sane purchase in the world - there are other strikers in his price range (namely James Beattie, Craig Bellamy, and Kevin Davies) who have proven their worth as smart value buys over the course of this season - but Oba did score 20 goals combined in his first two Premier League seasons - and does possess the ability to break a game open...

Newcastle take on Stoke, Portsmouth, and Boro over the next few weeks and Martins could well keep them up if he finishes the season on a tear.

EPL Gameweek 32 Fantasy Preview: Defense Wins Championships?

It may be a cliche, but if it's true that "Defense wins championships," than Manchester United fans should continue to worry. With Rio Ferdinand, Wes Brown and Jonny Evans all injured, Sir Alex Ferguson will once again rely on utility man John O'Shea and over-the-hill Gary Neville as United look to remain a step ahead of Liverpool and Chelsea in the title race.

It was funny to see former Manchester United defender Gerard Pique starting for Barcelona in their 4-0 Champions League win over Bayern Munich yesterday, as Sir Alex (and thousands of fantasy footie managers across the globe) would surely love to see Pique back wearing AIG across his chest rather than taking his place as a first teamer at the the Nou Camp.

So United struggle on with a shaky defense that has immensely devalued former studs Vidic and Van der Sar, but who knows - perhaps a trip to Sunderland - who couldn't score in a brothel - will be just the clean sheet remedy United need.

Let's get to the weekend preview. For a detailed explanation of the preview - click here.

I. Everton @ Aston Villa: Just a month ago, Villa were fighting for a Champions League birth but they've lost four games in a row in the league, and face Everton at home with 5th place now in the balance. Everton, on the other hand, are in-form after a 4-0 thrashing of Wigan.

Amazingly, Everton keep on winning despite losing their two best players - Mikel Arteta and the friendliest pro athlete, Yakubu - to season ending injuries. The recent emergence of Screech Powers Fellaini (6.6M), now playing in an advanced role, and on-loan striker Jo (7.7M) has boosted the already formidable fantasy force of Lescott, Jagielka, Baines, and Cahill. Even little Leon Osman (5.9M) has cracked the 100 total fantasy points barrier - and is pushing for his best season ever as an Everton player.

Villa will be without Emile Heskey and Martin Laursen (both injury doubts) but will be rejuvenated by the form of striker John Carew (7.3M). Both teams will be looking for a win in this one if either have any chance of catching Arsenal in 4th position - so I expect both to attack, rather than sit back. Nevertheless, while both may wish for the win here, this game looks just too tight to call - and at the end of the day, the most satisfied party in the equation may actually be Arsenal Football Club.

Prediction: 1 - 1 draw

II. WBA @ Portsmouth: The Top 4 should all stroll out to victories against inferior opposition this weekend - but as all 4 have one eye to the second leg of their Champions League matches, I've gone with a "risky" pick for the most 'fantasy friendly' match of the weekend - yes I have chosen a relegation six-pointer...

The pick is purely mental - and by mental - I want to take a look at the mental state of WBA's players. How would you feel if you knew you were headed back to the Coca Cola Championship next season? Not that great, probably.

Portsmouth, on the other hand, are far from safe but are playing better football and even beat Everton in their last home match. Not too shabby.

Peter Crouch (7.8M) and Niko Kranjcar (6.1M) are the picks then. Pretty straightforward stuff then as we've mentioned them for a month now - and they have a double gameweek in week 33 (Bolton, Manchester United) after the WBA battle this weekend.

WBA have lost six of a winless last nine and it will take a heroic performance from goalkeeper Scott Carson to keep Pompey at bay.

Prediction: 3 - 1 Portsmouth

III. Studs and Duds: I like Bellamy and Ireland to do the business at home against Fulham. Schwarzer, Hangeland, and Paintsil owners will see their supposed "Studs" turn to "Duds" then in the always swinging stud/dud pendulum that is the Fulham defense. In other stud-to-dud news, Bolton's Matty Taylor comes up against an inspired Chelsea defense, and should probably be benched...

There are plenty of potential "Supersub Studs" this week: Yossi Benayoun or Dirk Kuyt could put up big points in Gerrard's absence... Johan Djourou may be lucky enough to pick up a road clean sheet in Gallas' absence... And Carlitos Tevez perhaps can get on the scoresheet at Sunderland in Berbatov's absence...

Investment in Tottenham form players (King, Woodgate, Modric, Lennon, Keane) has produced solid home returns for fantasy managers over the last month or two, but I have this strange feeling that Zola's West Ham will be harder to break down than many think. I can see a 1-1 draw in that one or 2-1 win either way, but I don't see an offensive or defensive rout for Tottenham as some may predict after they beat Chelsea at home the last time out... Just a gut feeling. Still play your Keane's or Lennon's, but perhaps lower expectations...

Stoke are incredible at the Brittania Stadium - I love Shawcross and Sorensen - but I think Newcastle will score on the road - through Martins or Owen in this one - another gut feeling that will surely be incorrect. 2-1 Stoke or a 1-1 draw for me in that one. Stick with cheap studs Ricardo Fuller or James Beattie up front, however, because you can't find better value for the money than those two in-form lads.

IV. EPL Gameweek 32 Best Eleven:

GK: Given

D: Djourou - A. Cole - Carragher

M: Ronaldo - Lampard - Kranjcar - Ireland - Fabregas

F: Crouch - Beattie

Gerrard's Groin Just Needs Some RICE Treatment

Liverpool's season could be unraveling before our eyes. After a demoralizing 3-1 loss at home to Chelsea yesterday, Liverpool are now assessing the fitness of skipper Steven Gerrard.

Gerrard is suffering from a bit of groin pain and his injury status prior to this weekend's crucial Premier League home match with Blackburn is up in the air.

For Gerrard's sake, I hope the Liverpool medical staff have heard of the "RICE" treatment plan. Rest, ice, compression, and elevation usually fix my groin pulls (and I've had many a groin pull, both football and non-football related) within 48 hours. 

If the injury is more serious than that, perhaps he can just receive a pain-killing cortisone injection and take the field with the rest of his colleagues at Anfield on Saturday. Otherwise, you have to think he is a bit of a (slang for women's genitals) if he fails to be fit for the match.

Liverpool fans, have at me.

NCNB Spotted on Holiday... Like Adriano / Zaki

Two fantasy footie managers spotted on holiday in Hawaii

The paparazzi were out in full force last month in Maui, and this image landed in our mailbox. I guess the Never Captain Nicky Butt Store is quite the exciting marketplace after all. 

According to our analytics, we thought our fledgling T-shirt store was about as popular as Google searches for "nude pictures of Sheikh Mansour Bin Zayed Al Nahyan" but we have been proven wrong.

If you have any photographs of you or your mates in NCNB gear send us an email at nevercaptainnickybutt [at] gmail [dot] com and we'll post the pictures, with your permission of course.

Switzerland's Cheapest Commodity Resurfaces as Sulking French Asset Makes Way

Just a few weeks ago, Switzerland became the first Western country to deliberately devalue its currency. And while the franc's price is down, so is the fantasy footie cost of another Swiss asset - Johan Djourou.

Djourou, Arsenal's 22 year old squad player, has featured centrally in Arsenal's defense, as well as at right back and defensive midfield for the Gunners this season - and it looks like he'll get another shot in the starting lineup now that William Gallas could be lost for the season.

Gallas, the expensive Frenchman, damaged knee ligaments in Arsenal's 1-1 draw with Villarreal today and Djourou should step in as deputy. Djourou is just 4.3m in the official fantasy premier league game.

Goalkeeper Manuel Almunia was also replaced due to injury.

Arsenal have a tough fixture list in the long term, but they do face offensive lightweights Wigan, Boro, and Portsmouth in three of their next four matches.

While Aston Villa and Porto treated Manchester United's defense like Swiss cheese in the last week - there were many holes in United's defensive performance - Arsenal have kept 6 clean sheets in their past 8 Premier League matches - an excellent return.

Butt's Brain: News Briefs

A few quick random news items/thoughts to hold you over until The Champions League kicks off in a few minutes:

• Fox Soccer Report gets a new look. (For those of you in North America).

• Martin Petrov is back with a vengeance. In my opinion, Petrov was the best crosser in the EPL in 2007-2008. His pace and precise passing on the flank were a joy to behold. As a midfield player myself, I have a big soft spot for his excellent vision, work rate, and distribution. He's been out for 6 months, but should return to City's lineup this week after impressing in the reserves. Petrov is valued at 6.9M and I wonder how this will affect Ireland, SWP, and Robinho in terms of fantasy production.

• Should Tim Cahill fantasy footie owners be worried? Everton have scored 7 goals in the last four matches Cahill (8.0M) has featured in, but Cahill has not scored one goal in those four matches... Meanwhile the much cheaper Screech Powers Fellaini (6.6M) seems to have taken over the second striker / attacking midfielder support role alongside Jo. Cahill is now playing much deeper in the center of the pitch... To make matters even worse, Everton are on the road in their next two (Aston Villa and Chelsea).

Breaking News: Robinho Cleared of Rape

Manchester City's former fanasy footie stud forward Robinho won't face charges following allegations against him of a serious sexual assault.

West Yorkshire Police and the Crown Prosecution Service completed an in-depth report and cleared the most expensive British football transfer in history of any wrongdoing.

The police report did confirm however, that Robinho has been absolutely rubbish on the pitch over the last three months. Completely useless, really.

The star Brazilian has yet to score in the Premier League in 2009. In that same time period, Arsenal's Nicklas Bendtner has managed five Premier League goals.

Bendtner > Robinho ?

Butt's Brain: Football Club Specific Search Engines

I'm not quite sure how big this will become for Premier League football fans, but a company called Footballrama has recently launched custom football club specific search engines powered by Google for "passionate fans" around the world.

I stumbled upon these search engines this morning and they have really clean user interfaces and all offer a unique "home team skin" feel to Google web search.

Currently, 10 Premier League clubs have their own search engine.

Just to name a few - Arsenal is arseroo, while United are manroo, Liverpool are liveroo, and Chelsea are chelroo.

The search engines are powered by Google, but the downside is the inability to search for images, maps, news, or video. At this point, searches are limited to the web. The upside, of course, is a beautiful photo stream (live from Flickr) and very fresh, excellent design. 

Users can search through two different "tabs" (web or football). Never fear, a search for Nereida Gallardo still turns up dozens of NSFW photos through both the web and football tabs.

Enjoy.

Benayoun Belter: A Brilliant Butt Buddy Represents the Middle East

He may not be a fantasy footie option, but he sure is a Liverpool crowd pleaser. Yossi Benayoun did it again today, popping up in injury time to secure a vital 1-0 win for Liverpool to take them top of the table (for the time being) in the Premier League.

Benayoun's form for his country, Israel, has unfortunately not equalled his recent club form - but Israeli football fans are sure proud of their "Israeli Diamond" nonetheless.

Whilst all the recent talk surrounding Middle Eastern footballers has been focused on former fantasy footie stud Amr Zaki's lack of discipline, with one brilliant hit today, Benayoun shifted the Middle Eastern footballer focus from poor Egyptian punctuality & attitude problems to brilliant Israeli finishing ability. Well done, Yossi. 

Somehow, Benayoun also brokered the Egyptian - Israeli peace treaty in 1979 despite not being born until 1980. Basically, he can do anything.

Funny Feeling Friday: Robert Green

Our first goalkeeper to make his debut as a Funny Feeling Friday stud. Basically, an underrated, out of form, or unpopular (in fantasy terms) player who I have a feeling will produce on the weekend or in the short term...

There are 14 goalkeepers (fourteen!) with higher % owned figures than Robert Green in the official fantasy premier league game. That's a ton of keepers. I am willing to bet that 14 goalkeepers will not outscore Robert Green from here on out. 

Green is only owned by 4% of managers and is valued at 4.6 million. Just a funny feeling, but I think he's a stud selection for this weekend.

Good luck to all managers.

EPL Gameweek 31 Fantasy Preview: Back to Business

No nonsense this week as my work requirements are hectic and busy, so I'm here to give a "gut feeling" weekend preview rather than a well-researched post with statistics analyzing player form. Let's jump into it. If you need a primer as to how the weekend preview is broken down, you can click here and read the basic introduction.

I. Chelsea @ Newcastle: An exciting match for the neutral. Chelsea are still in the title race (just barely) whilst Newcastle occupy one of the three dreaded Coca Cola Championship slots for the 2009-2010 season. Add to that the fact that Chelsea can't seem to score on their travels and Newcastle have sensationally named hero Alan Shearer as their new manager, and we could be in for a cracking match.

Chelsea's best players are also their form players - Frank Lampard (and to a lesser extent) Didier Drogba, Michael Ballack, and Michael Essien. With the exception of Essien, that's quite the impressive list of thirty-somethings. And the oldies but goodies had a successful international break. 

Chelsea's seasoned veterans will face off against a gumshoe manager - Alan Shearer - who is actually 12 days younger than Portsmouth 'keeper David James. So it's the old and the young, and Newcastle fans - the restless.

Shearer has no coaching experience but will most likely rely on the fit again (again) striker Michael Owen (8.1M) to lead the Newcastle attack. At this point, I don't see much value in investing in Newcastle players for the stretch run, other than perhaps deploying Bassong (4.0M) or Ryan Taylor (4.1M) as a bench player.

I promised I'd go with my "gut" rather than with statistics, but one fact is hard to ignore: Chelsea have won only one of their last six trips to St. James Park. I expect the fans to be in a frenzy with Shearer at the helm. Furthermore, Jose Bosingwa (shin) and Deco (hamstring) are major doubts for the trip to the north east. The former is a fantasy factor, the latter however is a fantasy footie joke.

I can't imagine a Newcastle win, and even a draw is a stretch against the quality across the pitch and excellent organization at the back for Chelsea, but it's "go with the gut" week.

Prediction: 1 - 1 draw

II. Aston Villa @ Manchester United: Both of these teams are reeling - mired in their worst form of the season - so the international break couldn't have come at a better time for these clubs. Aston Villa still have a shot at a Champions League spot (though a UEFA Cup spot is much more likely) while United still lead the league with Liverpool closing in on their heels.

Last time out, Manchester United lost their composure at Fulham - as Paul Scholes and Wayne Rooney saw red - but in front of the home fans at Old Trafford this weekend, I expect United to return to form. Out of the media spotlight and intense scrutiny for a week or two, Sir Alex's men should get back to business at home.

It seems a bit crazy picking a 1st vs 5th matchup as the most "fantasy friendly" encounter of the week - but it's go with your gut week - and I expect United to keep a clean sheet at home and do the business.

Villa haven't beaten United since 1995 and striker Emile Heskey is out injured, but United have problems too: Rooney, Vidic, and Scholes are all out and Berbatov and Rio Ferdinand are question marks.

Jonny Evans (4.2M) was inspirational for Northern Ireland over the past week, and will bring a lot of confidence back with him, while Ronaldo is, well just, Ronaldo. He will have a point to prove this time around against Villa, after getting kicked off the pitch in the reverse fixture back in November, a 0-0 draw. I don't think United will win in style like Liverpool did over Villa, but a win is a win...

Prediction: 2 - 0 United

III. Studs and Duds: Debate your own studs and duds in the comments section. This is going to be a rapid fire studs and duds edition. Let's look at mid priced forwards. Studs - Peter Crouch, Kevin Davies and Robbie Keane. I expect big things from that trio this weekend. Duds - Craig Bellamy (injured and on the road), Zaki (injured), and Carlton Cole (injured). Three cheap former studs that are now duds.

Studs: Arsenal's attackers as Cesc Fabregas returns this weekend. Adebayor and Arshavin should benefit over the final 8 games. Dud: RvP - the best player in the history of the game to get rotated, injured, and benched on a regular basis.

Stud/dud fence for the week: Fulham players. Schwarzer, Paintsil, Hangeland, Dempsey, Murphy, and Davies are popular commodities and are at home (where they usually shine) but Liverpool are in form. Will the international break slow down Liverpool? Who knows - and that's why Fulham's selections are on the stud/dud fence.

IV. EPL Gameweek 31 Best Eleven: 

GK: Robert Green

D: Baines - Carragher - Patrice Evra

M: Gerrard - Ronaldo - Kranjcar - M. Taylor - Modric

F: Torres - R. Keane

The Soccer Project

The Soccer Project from Rebekah Fergusson on Vimeo.

Less than a week after our beautiful game was tainted with death and destruction in the Ivory Coast, we have this inspirational 5 minute clip from The Soccer Project to remind us all why we love futbol.

Thanks to The Offside Rules via Unprofessional Foul.

Look out for our Premier League weekend fantasy preview later on this evening.

Follow Nicky Butt's Relegation Battle on Twitter.

The social networking site Twitter is already massive, and athletes are turning it into a way to entertain, interact with fans, and share their news - and now for the first time - to give us an inside look into a Premier League club's relegation battle.

Amazingly, Newcastle United midfielder Nicky Butt is the latest athlete to start tweeting.

His timing couldn't be more dramatic: Newcastle are mired in a relegation battle and have just announced Alan Shearer's shocking return to St. James' Park. The squad faces Champions League contenders Chelsea this weekend.

You can follow Nicky Butt here.

Cisse Attacks a Stripper; Set to Play for Tennessee Titans Next Year

Mid-priced fantasy footie bargain striker Djibril Cisse was arrested early this morning after attacking a woman outside of a strip club. The striker was arrested for assault, questioned, and bailed pending further inquiries.

The on loan striker - who already has claim to fame as possessing one of the weakest tibias in human anatomy history - was uncertain about his future with Sunderland despite hitting for 9 Premier League goals this term. The NFL's Tennessee Titans and Dallas Cowboys love players who get arrested at strip clubs, and upon hearing the news, immediately contacted Marseille (who hold Cisse's rights) about a possible transfer to the US.

No word yet on whether or not Cisse "made it rain" at the strip club a la Pacman Jones.