Reality, Not Fantasy: Shearer Steps in to Rescue Newcastle

Amazing. Despite having no previous managerial experience, Alan Shearer is taking over at Newcastle. My old Gianfranco Zola - Barack Obama theory should probably now be re-worked to include Shearer in some way.

The theory is essentially this: Despite the fact that neither Zola nor Obama (nor Shearer) have any significant experience, everyone loves them nonetheless because they are charismatic, promise hope, and promise change. So far Zola has delivered despite the lack of experience. The verdict on Obama is still out. (Give the guy a couple of years, OK?) And now Shearer takes center stage.

From a "reality" perspective - Newcastle are in a terrible position - 2 points from safety with 8 games left. They face Chelsea at home this weekend and still have to travel to Anfield to face Liverpool. 

From a "fantasy" perspective - We'll have to see how Shearer utilizes the squad against Chelsea this weekend and keep an eye on possible bargains like Ryan Taylor (4.1M) or perhaps even, dare I say it, a healthy Michael Owen (8.1M) with a point to prove.

Shrek Voted Player of the Year; Conceives Ogre

Wayne Rooney has just been voted the England Player of the Year for 2008. The Manchester United striker notched 5 goals in 8 matches for England in 2008 to win an award that no one really cares about. England did not even feature at the European Championships in 2008. Steven Gerrard won the meaningless accolade in 2007.

In somewhat related congratulatory Rooney news, I read at Unprofessional Foul (via Kickette) that Shrek and his wife, Coleen, are expecting their first child in September. 

A good week all around for Rooney then: scoring some goals, winning an award, and of course: bringing a new large, intimidating green ogre into the world in just a few months time.

Blog Favorite Bellamy Bitches and Moans

Spotted this great video of blog favorite Craig Bellamy at The Offside this morning. 

The Manchester City (and fantasy footie stud) expressing his opinions after Wales lost to Finland in World Cup Qualifying.

Really good stuff.

Reality, Not Fantasy: 22 Killed at World Cup Qualifying Game in Ivory Coast

The two week break from club football for World Cup Qualifying often feels a bit like tubing down a lazy river at an amusement park - lulling football fans worldwide to sleep with meandering (and sometimes meaningless) World Cup Qualifiers.  But every so often the river makes a sharp turn or traverses a waterfall to provide an exciting international encounter that fills the fan's heart with joy.

But this weekend in the Ivory Coast, there was little joy. At least 22 people were killed and 132 injured yesterday ahead of a World Cup Qualifying match between the Ivory Coast and Malawi.

Thousands of fans pushed against each other, setting off a panic that led to the stampede.

And this sad summary from the Associated Press describing stadium accidents in general:

"Stadium accidents are far too common in Africa, where soccer is intimately entwined with national pride. In June last year, 10 people died in an overcrowded stadium before a World Cup Qualifying match between Liberia and Gambia... The worst stadium disaster in Africa killed 127 people in Accra, Ghana in 2001."

So, I'm still attending the World Cup next year in South Africa with little fear. But yesterday's tragedy coming out of the Ivory Coast is a bitter reminder that while our beautiful sport is just that, beautiful, and 9 times out of 10 - it is joyous and fantastic; we all still love a sport that despite all of its glory, is sometimes injected with a bit too much fanaticism, and in some parts of the world, is poorly organized. 

So enough about poor infrastructure or worse stadium safety. It's all too tragic to stay focused on forever. But it's just a somber reminder that in our beautiful world of "fantasy football," with Didier Drogba scoring for Chelsea and Frank Lampard and Michael Essien bringing in the bonus points, while Peter Cech protects himself with a fluffy piece of black headgear and keeps the opposition out, the opposite of fantasy football (the Premier League) is reality - the tragedies that so often in Africa taint the beautiful game.

Bosingwa (and Unibrow) Injured

No news is good news when it comes to Jose Bosingwa and our blog. Our last Bosingwa post featured not only his karate kick to Benayoun's back but also highlighted his poor form in the second half of the season - and now, it looks like our mighty unibrow is out injured.

The dirty, expensive cheater suffered a gash to his right leg in Portugal's World Cup Qualifying 0-0 draw with Sweden on the weekend. 

He's (Probably) Fine, But Posts Tagged "Cristiano Ronaldo Injured" Are Always Popular

According to The Daily Mail, who are making something out of nothing (sort of like us), Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson's "blood is boiling" after seeing these pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo with a heavily strapped left calf. I'm sure C-Ron is fine and was just in for some routine treatment.

So forgive us, it's a slow week.

Master of Pop Culture, Alvaro Arbeloa

Liverpool FC are on the way to becoming "more famous than The Beatles," according to defender Alvaro Arbeloa. 

While Lennon (John not the Tottenham winger Aaron) and McCartney (Sir Paul not the Sunderland fullback George) may have been on LSD when writing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, it appears that Arbeloa made his statement under no influence of mind altering drugs. 

He is just that dumb.

The real Ibracadabra

Zlatan Ibrahimovic gives us a moment of class to appreciate as we take a break from club football and focus on World Cup qualifiers for the week. In this clip, the highest paid football player in the world toys with Reggina's goalkeeper with a wonderfully placed finish.

International Break Injury Round Up

• Anelka is out with a toe injury and could miss 30 days. More time to spend with his wife, I guess - who has perhaps the skinniest right arm in the history of emaciated footballer's wives' right arms. Perhaps Drogba (and maybe S. Kalou?) to profit up front for Chelsea with Anelka out of the picture.

• Another high priced striker set for some time on the sidelines as Dimitar Berbatov has been ruled out of the Bulgaria squad with an ankle injury. Enter Carlitos Tevez into the minds and hearts of fantasy football managers and auto insurance salesmen worldwide. If Berbatov works as hard on his ankle rehabilitation as he does on the pitch for his teammates, he should be back sometime in 2011.

• Tim Cahill's fitness remains in doubt before Australia's qualifier with Borat's nemesis Uzbekistan. Cahill did not feature against Portsmouth on Saturday with a calf problem.

England National Team Talk

Brilliant. The fun begins around the 1:45 mark. It's well worth the wait.

Funny Feeling Friday: Kranjcar

He pulls the strings for Crouch and Nugent. He's hitting form. He's on free kicks. He's cheap, underrated, and faces a great set of fixtures. Everyone is jumping on the Everton bandwagon and overlooking Portsmouth this weekend. It's got to be Niko.

Funny feeling Friday never felt so good.

Entire Man U Team in Danger

American International Group has sent a (not so) secret memo to employees urging them to avoid wearing any AIG apparel.

Everyone already hates Cristiano Ronaldo, but this is just one more reason for the star winger to take cover (or give fans the middle finger) when out in public.

EPL Gameweek 30 Fantasy Preview: March Madness

Let's preview this weekend of fantasy football looking at (I) the best match from a neutral's perspective (II) the most fantasy friendly match (III) a prediction of stud and dud performers and (IV) a weekly best eleven. Welcome, EPL lovers. Please, no spitting in the comments section. 

I. Chelsea @ Tottenham: The confident Blues look to snatch the Premier League away from Manchester United, whilst the confident Lilywhites look to make a late charge for Europe. Yes, Europe. You read that right. Redknapp's men are only 5 points behind West Ham for a UEFA Cup (or should we call it the UEFA Europa League) slot. An amazing turnaround after such a poor start to the season.

Chelsea face a tough test when they travel to Tottenham on Saturday - no away team has won there since November - and that streak is partly due to the in-form Aaron Lennon (6.9M). Robbie Keane (8.6M) has also provided the goals in his awkward yet so-far successful return from Liverpool.

But more importantly, Chelsea will come up against the unheralded central pairing of Jonathan Woodgate (5.2M) and Ledley King (5.0M) who - on their day - strike up one of the best partnerships in the country. The duo shut down Aston Villa's main attacking threats last week, and when healthy, are very difficult to break down. I enjoyed watching them last week.

So, that's that. Chelsea's attack will come - as always - through Frank Lampard. Didier Drogba should be fit to start after picking up a slight knock last week against Manchester City. Joe Cole is still a long term absentee. Chelsea are a perfect 4-for-4 in the Premier League under boss Guus Hiddink, but they have only scored 5 goals in those 4 matches. Nevertheless, the defense has only conceded one goal in that stretch. 

Despite Tottenham's recent resurgence and Chelsea's lack of goals, I expect Hiddink to pull another trick or two in this one, which should be just enough to take down 'Arry's men.

Prediction: 2 - 1 Chelsea

II. Arsenal @ Newcastle: The Gunners are level on points for the 4th Champions League spot with Aston Villa while The Magpies are fighting a relegation battle. Fun stuff.

Newcastle have tightened up at home recently (2-1 loss to Manchester United, 0-0 draw with Arteta-less Everton) but will be under instant pressure at the get-go from Arsenal's new fantasy footie darling Andrei Arshavin & company. The tiny Russian provided an assist for Robin van Persie in Arsenal's controversial midweek FA Cup win over Hull, and the two incredibly skillful players will look to continue their partnership at St. James Park. From a technical standpoint - is there a better partnership in the Premier League? These two guys just have amazing touch.

Arsenal's attack will be downright scary when Fabregas, Eduardo, and Adebayor return to the fold - good news for Arsene Wenger - but perhaps bad news for fantasy footie managers as rotation could become the norm.

But we are a few weeks away from that, so Van Persie, Arshavin, and to a lesser extent Nasri and Walcott or Denilson - should lead Arsenal's attack this weekend. If Newcastle fall behind to an early goal, they will be forced to attack, and the floodgates could open.

Prediction: 3 - 1 Arsenal

III. Studs and Duds: A month ago we devoted a whole column to blog favorite and bonus point magnet Essien and warned that he could steal Frank Lampard's bonus points back in January and as recently as last week. He's been top of mind for us for months now, but perhaps his nature as a "Stud" should be examined once again now that he's found the back of the net in the Premier League. 

Essien is an excellent mid-priced midfield selection, but don't expect the goals to start flying in. He is not a goalscorer. He is a bonus point machine. If you already own Lampard, you are taking a pretty big risk (in my opinion) also drafting in Essien. When Chelsea win, you could be in for a treat - but if Wilson Palacios produces a stunning midfield display for Tottenham and shuts down the Blues midfield, for example - you could be very disappointed. Just a word of warning. For those willing to take the risk - go for it. Both Essien and Lampard are, obviously, perpetual studs.

Everton's studly defenders (Jagielka, Baines, lescott) and attackers (Cahill, Jo, Saha) straddle the stud/dud fence this week facing a much improved Portsmouth side. Many managers have profited from Everton's great form in the past two months, but I wouldn't expect great returns at Fratton Park this weekend. Portsmouth's Niko Kranjcar (6.1M) is hitting form and could be a bargain stud down the stretch. According to manager Paul Hart, "He looks tremendous at the moment."

If you think Everton's defense can be breached, you could do much worse than drafting in Kranjcar, Peter Crouch (7.5M) or the cheap David Nugent (5.4M).

Stoke have an incredible set of fixtures and thus turn from year-long duds to studs. It's amazing that James Beattie (5.8M) is only 4% owned - I've been lucky enough to have him for a month - and he should continue to produce down the stretch. Stoke's Ricardo Fuller (5.3M) should also start alongside Beattie, and it will be interesting to see how the partnership develops. Will Beattie retain penalty kick duties or will Fuller reclaim his old role? Regardless, they are cheap enough, and have enough attractive fixtures, to warrant investment.

Stoke's defensive record has also improved, so a bargain selection like Ryan Shawcross or Abdoulaye Faye could surprise with a few clean sheets down the stretch. Both of those players also offer a bit of an attacking threat from set pieces - with 2 goals each this season.

Yes, Stoke are studs. And Aston Villa are duds. The world is upside down. March Madness.

IV. EPL Gameweek 30 Best Eleven:

GK: Almunia

D: J. Evans - S. Warnock - Bosingwa

M: Lampard - Ronaldo - Gerrard - Kranjcar - Geovanni

F: Torres - Van Persie

Breaking News: "Guerra del Fútbol" Fighters Go Soft

Well, it looks like US footie fans will be happily celebrating another World Cup qualifying win in El Salvador next week, after El Salvador's national team players abandoned training camp over disputes about pay yesterday.

Yes, the country that actually fought a war over football with Honduras in 1969 is now home to a football team filled not with passionate fighters, but with whiny wankers. Or something like that. March madness indeed.

Play for the shirt, boys. Not for the cash. The shirt.

Butt's Brain: Cesc Pulls a Diouf & Other Musings

We haven't had a random Butt's Brain column in quite some time, so let's jump right in:

• Cesc Fabregas has been accused of spitting at Hull management after Arsenal's 2-1 FA Cup win yesterday. El Hadji Diouf had no comment. In related news, Robin van Persie skippered the Arsenal side, scoring a goal and hitting the crossbar in what was described as an excellent second half performance. Fantasy favorite new-boy Andrei Arshavin provided the assist for Van Persie's opener and also looked a threat.

• Butt Buddy Unprofessional Foul returns with a new Power Poll - analyzing the top 10 club teams in Europe, and somehow, Manchester United is not in first position...

• Blog buddy Craig Bellamy has made a speedy recovery from the knee injury that has sidelined him throughout the month of March. Manchester City have three excellent home games in their next four - Sunderland, Fulham, and West Brom. If Bellamy is fit for all three, expect good returns from the 6.7M rated fantasy footballer. Robinho and Ireland should also turn it around at home for City.

• And a bit of Coca Cola Championship love for former Premier League boy Dave Kitson - the best (or worst) redheaded beanpole striker in England. Kitson was having a nightmare of a season at Stoke (when you can't get past Sidibe and Camara in the pecking order, it's always a nightmare) - but has recently returned to Reading on loan and scored a vital goal for Steve Coppell's men yesterday. At this rate, perhaps Kitson, fantasy footballing bargain favorite Stephen Hunt, and Reading will be back in the Premier League next season.

Trouble in Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan's Paradise: Robinho Could be Dropped

Robinho, England's most expensive footballer, could be dropped by Mark Hughes to send a message to Manchester City's under-performing stars.

This article in The Telegraph quotes a source saying, "Robinho has to pull his finger out (of his ass)" otherwise he can forget about a possible summer move to Chelsea...

In related news of interest to City fans and/or fantasy footie managers, last year's surprise stud of the season, winger Martin Petrov, could return to Manchester City's lineup by the end of the month. 

The speedy Bulgarian midfielder scored 5 goals and dished out 11 assists last year, while hauling in 21 fantasy premier league bonus points. Valued at just 6.9M, he could make an immediate impact if he can quickly return to full fitness.

Stud (Slight) Injury Worries: Drogba and Cahill

It's fair to say that Everton's Tim Cahill has been in the form of his career over the past two months, and Chelsea's Didier Drogba has returned to the Chelsea lineup under new manager Guus Hiddink happy, healthy, and hitting form as well.

But now, both players face a possible spell on the sidelines with injury worries:

Drogba was substituted early against Manchester City yesterday with an apparent knee problem. Cahill was replaced at halftime against Stoke after sustaining a slight calf strain. That's the bad news.

The good news? Both teams have a week rest before their next Premier League matches, so the hundreds of thousands of fantasy footie managers who employ Drogba and/or Cahill in their squads will be hoping for quick recoveries to these very minor injury problems.

Drogba (31 years old) and Cahill (29 years old) are probably not as fit as they were 5-10 years ago, but their performances in 2009 have been top quality. Chelsea and Everton fans will be crossing their fingers then this week.

Iraqi Footballer Shot Dead by Fan

Those of you who know me know that I spend a lot of time on the weekends streaming Premier League games on my PC via a Mesopotamian feed.

But today Iraqi football feeds do not take center stage. Dead Iraqi footballers do.

In an absurd story, an Iraqi footballer was shot dead this weekend as he was about to score an equalizing goal. Details are sketchy at the moment, but it puts the beautiful game into a bit of perspective. No matter how obsessed I am with footie (and I am obsessed) - some tragedies in life just make you take a step back and say to yourself, "wow."

So, wow.

Vidic Banned: Jonny Evans to the Rescue?

Can this man step in to stop Manchester United's defensive bleeding? 

United's player of the season Nemanja Vidic just turned in the worst performance of his career against Liverpool - Vidic was directly responsible for Liverpool's first goal - as Fernando Torres toyed with the big Serb and sped past him to equalize, and then Vidic added a straight red card (and instant ban) to his box score - directly resulting in Liverpool's 3rd goal: a beautiful Fabio Aurelio finish.

So, with Vidic out - United turn to young Northern Irish international Evans in the short term. Evans is most famous for allegedly raping a woman at the team's Christmas Party a few years ago (he was cleared of all charges), but now he will look to step in alongside Rio Ferdinand and help United continue their charge to the title.

Добро пожаловать (Welcome) Андрей Сергеевич Аршавин (Andrei Sergeyevich Arshavin)

Dobro Pozhalovat to the Premier League you cheeky monkey you.

Funny Feeling Friday: Downing

On the heels of our first successful "funny feeling Friday," we bring you installment number two. A "gut feeling" about an underrated, out of form, or unpopular player stepping up his game in the coming weeks.

After scoring 9 goals last season, Middlesbrough's Stewart Downing has yet to score in the Premier League this season. He's missed penalties, lost his confidence, and struggled. But in the 2-0 win over Liverpool 2 weeks ago, Downing picked up an assist and 3 bonus points. Perhaps he has turned a corner...

The England international is only 4% owned (Hayden Mullins and Jermaine Jenas are owned by more managers) and could prove to be an interesting surprise selection down the stretch.

Boro have 3 home games in their next five - and their schedule is incredibly appealing: Portsmouth, Stoke, Bolton, Hull, and Fulham.

I expect Downing to score his first goal of the season in one of the next 5 games, and perhaps add some bonus points and assists as well. Gutsy managers who follow through on this "funny feeling" may be well rewarded in the mid-priced midfielder bracket then.

EPL Gameweek 29 Fantasy Preview: I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

After a bit of Champions League action, let's jump back into the best domestic league in the world and take a look at (I) the week's best match (II) most fantasy friendly encounter (III) an analysis of stud and dud performers and (IV) a weekly best eleven. As always, leave your opinions in the comments section.

I. Liverpool @ Manchester United: The English dominance in the Champions League (all four British teams advanced to the quarterfinals) is put on hold as Liverpool travel to Old Trafford to take on the world's best club. Liverpool were victorious 2-1 over Manchester United earlier this season at Anfield, and only another win will be good enough to keep their slim title hopes alive.

A bit of controversy coming out of Manchester as striker Wayne Rooney's "hate" comments were taken down from the team's website today - adding further fuel to this already scorching hot rivalry.

With a seven point lead in the table (and a game in hand), it's actually not much of a rivalry in the standings this season, and a draw will be enough for Sir Alex's troops - who haven't lost in the league since November 8th.

Though he's not the coolest guy in the world, blog favorite Ji-Sung Park could be the surprise factor in this one - his pace and work rate on the flank should complement Ronaldo's tendency to move inside - and I fully expect Sir Alex to call the Korean into his starting 11 for this big match. Park will stretch Liverpool at its most vulnerable spot - wide positions on either wing - adding insult to injury as Israeli Yossi Benayoun has been ruled out with a hamstring injury.

From a fantasy footballing perspective, I wouldn't expect too much from Liverpool players on the road - but class is class, so it's difficult to bench even the shakiest of options (Arbeloa, inventor of dyslexia Skrtel, etc.). That being said, I think United will win.

Prediction: 2 - 1 Manchester United

II. WBA @ West Ham: A surprise "Fantasy friendly" choice this week as I give some love to my brother's favourite club. Alphabetically, these two teams sit close in the table, but that's where the similarities end. West Ham are playing some great football under new manager Gianfranco Zola and WBA are headed to the Coca Cola Championship. 

As I've mentioned before, Zola reminds me a lot of Obama: Despite his lack of experience, everyone loves him for no reason when he comes in because he promises hope and change, and he's charismatic. He has no relevant managerial experience whatsoever but is doing an excellent job. Let's hope we can say the same about our President in a few years time...

But back to the football. Despite losing their top scorer Carlton "Can't Control" Cole to a two match ban and midfield youngster Jack Collison to injury, the Hammers still have a plethora of skillful players and should be able to provide some decent fantasy returns to managers willing to take a chance on the Hammers down the strech.

At the back, James Tomkins (3.9M) is an incredibly cheap starter who is filling in for the injured Welsh international James Collins. While it's just a short term play, it could be a good one for managers looking to rid themselves of Fulham's Paintsil, Konchesky, or Hughes.  England International Matthew Upson (5.0M) picked up 3 bonus points last time out against Wigan, and should solidify the backline while providing a goal threat on set pieces.

In the midfield, bargain blog favorites Scott Parker and Mark Noble run proceedings, and up front David di Michele has 4 goals and 5 assists this season in only about 1,100 minutes of play. Not bad.

After WBA, West Ham face Blackburn and Sunderland - so this preview is more of a three week endorsement rather than a one week endorsement, but I do believe the Hammers should be able to take out the Baggies at home.

Prediction: 2 - 0 West Ham

III. Studs and Duds: We told you not to drop stud Stephen Ireland last week, but some of you didn't listen to us. It's safe to say that you can bench him if you have better options this week at Chelsea, but don't drop him. He provided another assist today (in the UEFA Cup to SWP), and is always at the heart of City's best attacking play. Speaking of studs turned duds this week - be careful about placing the captain's armband on blog favorite RvP as Wenger has a history of resting him after Champions League away matches. 

Arsenal's Arshavin (9.6M) is a stud selection this week as a guaranteed starter at home to Blackburn. I am cautiously bullish on Boro of all teams (they have some pretty nice fixtures coming up), and you could do much worse than taking a late season gamble on midfield stud Stewart Downing (6.8M) but more on him tomorrow in our Funny Feeling Friday column. Boro's Tuncay (6.7M) is also a player I've enjoyed watching in recent weeks, but it would take a courageous (crazy?) fantasy footie manager to invest too much in Boro.

Duds this week include Wigan's very popular choices Kirkland, Figueroa, and Bramble (Sunderland can score at home) and the abundance of Fulham players still littering fantasy lineups after the double gameweek all turn into duds as they travel to the Reebok Stadium to take on Bolton - who are better at home than most. Annoying, yes, for the hundreds of thousands of fantasy managers who have relied on Wigan and Fulham this year - but it just doesn't look too promising this weekend.

Bonus point stud Michael Essien also returns to our fantasy radar - and could take away some of fat Frank Lampard's bonus points down the stretch... Keep an eye on that developing situation as Essien reaches peak fitness.

IV. EPL Gameweek 29 Best Eleven:

GK: Green

D: Bosingwa - Vidic - L. Baines

M: Lampard - Ronaldo - Cahill - Downing - Noble

F: Drogba - Rooney

Zlatan, Cristiano, and Some Champions Action

A good day all around. The two best teams in the world face off for the second time in two weeks. The two best managers square up. And the two best players go head to head.

The second day of Champions League action this week. A day of 2's. Two.

So, I guess I'll stick with the theme. Manchester United to score 2 at home and send Inter Milan packing.

Your predictions in the comments please. What a day.

Côte d'Ivoire's Coolest Commodity Comes Good

Our first ever Funny Feeling Friday prediction column comes good. It's not often that football prognosticators - even the best pundits in the world - hit the nail square on the head - but it feels good when you see it coming before everyone else does...

Since our "Drogba will get hot" column -  the Ivorian superstar has hit for 4 goals in 5 games. Make sure to check us out this Friday for our next installment of Funny Feeling Friday.

Cahill Family Always Using their Heads

The best Australian footballer I've seen in my lifetime, Everton's Tim Cahill, has made a name for himself as a fantasy footie super-stud with his brilliant heading ability. He's just a real tough dude with a great vertical leap and pinpoint accuracy on powerful headers.

So it's no surprise that Cahill's son, wearing an Everton shirt with the number 17 and "Daddy" printed on the back, doesn't seem to mind as he goes crashing head first into an empty chair at halftime of Everton's FA Cup match against Boro this weekend.

Like father, like son.

From the Archives: World Cup Qualifying

With another round of World Cup Qualifying this month, I delved into my archives to find a fun photo from a 2005 qualifier between the USA and Guatemala in Birmingham, Alabama.

The match was almost exactly 4 years ago  - in March 2005 - and I sat in the Guatemalan section where I was enveloped by the largest football flag in the history of the world. I love massive Guatemalan flags and friendly World Cup qualifiers. Just one more reason to love this beautiful game.

Next up for the USA in qualifying: El Salvador on March 28th.

Next up for Israel in qualifying: group leaders Greece on March 28th.

Fingers crossed.

Oh No.

Yossi Benayoun tore his hamstring in training today. Greece national team rejoices. Worst. Weekend. Ever.

The Only Joy Coming out of Liverpool this Season

Embarassingly for Liverpool fans, there seems to be more athletic coordination at Liverpool Street Station this year than at the football club's Melwood training ground. Neither Yossi Benayoun nor Steven Gerrard were available for comment.

Blatter Shifts Focus from Soccer Slaves to 6 + 5 Sleeper Picks, Alters Future of (Fantasy) Football: A One-One-Eight Exclusive

A 'business of football' exclusive this weekend from fellow blogger One-One-Eight. One-One-Eight is a banker and financial services expert with an MBA degree and pace on the pitch reminiscent of Aaron Lennon. He supports Tottenham Hotspur and the German national team: 

Let's talk about Sepp, baby. FIFA's controversial president Sepp Blatter launched the blogging career of my buddy Ibracadabra when he called Cristiano Ronaldo a slave - thus proving his absolute insanity.

Insane or not, Blatter is back in the spotlight, along with Michel Platini, as the two men spoke this week about the power of English football. Though Never Catpain Nicky Butt is a blog about world football (and Israeli beauties like Bar Rafaeli) - we do tend to focus on the Premier League, and more specifically - the fantasy Premier League, so this news should interest us.

The debate was raised by the English press regarding the question of whether English club owners wanted financial or footballing success. The focus on the debate over clubs being rich vs. being world conquerers has brought about a push towards home grown player requirements.

The proposition is to make it a requirement that any club must be locally owned, and potentially, start six homegrown players for every match by 2011. Even Sir Alex Ferguson seems to agree. "We totally support the principle of home-grown players," the Scot who regularly features foreigners Van der Sar, Vidic, Evra, Ronaldo, Park, Berbatov, and Tevez said.

Going one step further, fantasy football's future could be heavily impacted by this decision. Would it separate the strong from the weak and require squad selecttion finesse at the expense of explosive imported bonus point machines? Or would it allow us to hone in on gritty but effective Englishmen like Peter Crouch (7.5, 102 total pts), Matty Taylor (6.1, 102 total points), Phil Jagielka (6.4, 119 total points), and the unpredictably productive Titus "horrid backpass" Bramble (4.8, 104 total points)?

If Blatter has his way, it looks like followers of the beautiful British game would instead start focusing more on reserve matches, Coca Cola Championship cup ties, and youth academies - scouting out the next sleeper picks a la Michael Mancienne of Chelsea - instead of consuming our internet searches with Youtube clips of the latest Russian or Romanian imports.

While I don't like the rule, I feel like the added degree of tactical understanding and sports psychology would help it take the fantasy premier league to the next level.

Cesc Fabregas, Mullet, Set for Return

Cesc Fabregas will return to Arsenal's starting lineup within two weeks. That's triple the good news this week for Gunners fans then, following in the footsteps of 1) Arsenal beating WBA and 2) Manchester City beating Aston Villa earlier this week.

(Former) fantasy footie favorite Fabregas notched an impressive 7 goals and 20 assists last season in the Premier League. Clearly, what the young Spaniard lacks in hairstyle points, he makes up for with fantasy bonus points.

Cristiano Ronaldo Can't Score on the Road; But Bags Brazilian Beauties Easily at Home

The conceited one has scored 12 Premier League goals this season, but just two on the road. He fired another blank on Wednesday at Newcastle.

Despite firing blanks on the pitch, Ronaldo seems to be doing just fine shooting off the field. Pictured above is Brazilian gym instructor Gabriela, who, like the original Ronaldo, or Ronaldinho, or Robinho - needs no surname. The surname-less Brazilian beauty works at a gym in Portugal, near Lisbon. She's fit and flexible and well, who really cares: like Ronaldo on the road - we don't have much of a shot.

Looks like I do have something in common with Cristiano after all.

All Eyes on You, United

A full day of footie ahead of us in the Premier League headlined by Manchester United's visit to Newcastle. Leave your predictions, rants, or match day musings in the comments.

What a Hit Son, What a Hit (Forward to 1:05 Mark)

Israeli Yossi Benayoun scored (again) today - which fills me with a bit of national pride, but I must admit the goal seen above at around the 1:05 mark is a real, real beauty.

Another cracker coming out of the Israeli Premier League, then. First - I gave you Europe's goal of the year about a month ago, and now - this brilliant hit scored against my hometown club, Maccabi Netanya. Enjoy.

Sidenote for fans of European football - Maccabi Netanya are managed by Lothar Matthaus - the same former FIFA World Player of the Year Lothar Mathhaus who captained West Germany to the 1990 World Cup and played in a record 5 World Cups. Not a bad hire for a small coastal city club on the Mediterranean Sea with a stadium that only seats about 7,000.

EPL Gameweek 28 Fantasy Preview: Captain a Socceroo or Two?

Yup, that's Aussie Tim Cahill (last week's EPL stud) celebrating with Mark Schwarzer (this week's EPL stud?). A bit of love for Australia before we get started with this midweek EPL preview. Though I've never been, I am a huge fan of marsupials (including the kangaroo, koala, and the wombat), eucalyptus trees, and freeing Schapelle Corby. Only joking about Corby- though the HBO documentary Ganja Queen was very interesting.

Now, to the footie. We look at (I) the week's best match (II) most fantasy friendly match (III) a prediction of stud and dud performers and (IV) a best eleven. As always, leave your opinions in the comments section.

I. Aston Villa @ Manchester City: This is a fun match for a neutral - especially from a fantasy footie perspective - as both of these teams possess an abundance of creative attacking talent. Aston Villa visit City after a demoralizing 2-2 home draw with Stoke - which saw them give up two late goals after bossing the entire match. 

From a player perspective, Villa have the obvious options: Barry, Young, and Agbonlahor, as well as the 6% owned James Milner - who is making great strides this season as a lower profile "Stephen Ireland" style mid-priced midfielder with great technique and finishing ability.

For Manchester City - the 'big three' Ireland, Robinho, and Bellamy are hitting a rough patch. The former has picked up 2 yellow cards in his last 3 games, and hasn't scored a Premier League goal since Christmas. The latter two (Robinho and Bellamy) are both injury doubts with ankle and knee problems, respectively. 

Despite Ireland's lack of Premier League goals or assists - he seems to still be involved in most of City's bright attacking play - he set up Bellamy less than a week ago in the UEFA Cup, and (judging by the Premier League Review Show since I didn't watch the full match) looked dangerous in West Ham's box this past weekend despite not scoring. Many managers will lose faith with Ireland with Aston Villa this week and Chelsea next, but I would urge those managers to keep him rather than drop him for three reasons:

First, a cliche. Form is temporary, class is permanent. As weird as it sounds, Ireland is class. Second, a more logical reason: There aren't many midfielders priced between 6M and 7M that can compete with Ireland on a regular basis. Bolton's Matty Taylor is definitely one. Perhaps Sunderland's Steed Malbranque or Tottenham's Luka Modric could do well with two matches this week, who knows. Third: City still have home matches this season with Sunderland, WBA, Blackburn, and Fulham. Not exactly the best road teams in the world. Ireland should produce against those second-tier teams at home. I am disappointed but keeping faith for those three reasons.

I predicted a tight affair last week between City and West Ham (1-1 prediction, 1-0 final score to West Ham) and this week I expect more of the same. Brad Friedel and Shay Given are class, and the attacking talent on the pitch will surely be thwarted by their heroics. Keep a close eye on injury news to Robinho and Bellamy. 

Prediction: 1-1 draw.

II. Manchester United @ Newcastle: Rooney and Berbatov were rested for the Carling Cup Final, and both should feature as Sir Alex Ferguson's unstoppable machine visits Newcastle. Newcastle's defense has looked decent as of late (holding an Arteta-less Everton to a clean sheet at home and conceding just one at Bolton in their last two) but United's rested strikeforce will be too much on this day.

Blog buddy Silent Jay is correct in mentioning recently that Newcastle's defense is looking stronger, but I have to counter that argument with two facts that point to a convincing United win. First - Newcastle drew 1-1 with United at Old Trafford on opening day. Surely, Sir Alex Ferguson will reach deep into his motivational tool-kit to fire his troops up after the poor showing earlier in the season. Second, United beat Newcastle last season 5-1 away and 6-0 at home. Ronaldo scored 5 of the 11 goals. I think the Red Devils may have the Magpies' number.

Prediction: 3 - 0 Manchester United

III. Studs and Duds: Let's focus on obvious studs due to the double games this week. Sunderland, Tottenham, Fulham, and Blackburn all play twice. Fulham have two home games, and so Schwarzer, Hangeland, and Paintsil look good for the Captain's Armband for those managers looking to catch mini-league leaders. The team has scored only 2 goals in their last 4 games (0.5 goals per game - yikes) so Dempsey, Murphy, Johnson, and Zamora could be good options, but probably not worthy of the armband. On the flip side (let's play both sides of the fence here) - Fulham have only kept 2 clean sheets in their last 7 home matches. Those two clean sheets? Against Boro and WBA. While Blackburn and Hull are bad, they are not as bad as Boro and WBA.

Tottenham are coming off a 120 minute emotionally draining Carling Cup loss via video iPod, but have two decent fixtures. Robbie Keane, Luka Modric, and Aaron Lennon are worthy of consideration. Perhaps even Vedran Corluka (5.5M). I heard somewhere that when Corluka came to Manchester City from Dinamo Zagreb, the City boys and management nicknamed him "Charlie." This is funny because, as the story goes, no one wanted to pronounce "Vedran," and even though "Charlie" has nothing in common with "Vedran," that's what they called him. And it just stuck. Charlie Corluka is actually a decent Premier League player - great skill for a 6 foot 5 beanpole.

Blackburn and Sunderland also feature attacking studs (RSC and K. Jones, and to a much lesser extent Cisse, Diouf, McCarthy) but they could turn into duds in a hurry as they face off against Everton and Liverpool, respectively. I'd probably stay away unless you want to really gamble. K. Jones is always worth a gamble - he's like a stronger Carlton Cole. The spitter Diouf (5.7M) could be a surprise bargain play since he seems to be cementing a spot in the Blackburn starting lineup and is very cheap.

As for duds, Arsenal's William Gallas is injured so our favorite deputy Johan Djourou is set for a start. Torres is still out for Liverpool - dud. Popular pick (and the EPL's leading scorer) Nicolas Anelka is a major doubt for Chelsea's trip to Fratton Park - dud. Funny feeling stud Didier Drogba should carry the attacking load with Lampard at Portsmouth then.

IV. EPL Gameweek 28 Best Eleven:

GK: Schwarzer

D: Vidic - Skrtel - S. Warnock

M: Modric - Ronaldo - Lampard - Murphy - Malbranque

F: Rooney - Keane

Blog Buddy Bellamy Sees Knee Surgeon

Don't say we didn't tell you so. We did. Before our Stepovers Anonymous exclusive in November, Craig Bellamy had scored one goal. Since our piece profiling the prolific Welshman and predicting future glory, he has scored six goals. Niiiice. Hope you had him for the fun Christmas run while it lasted.

But it looks like the good times are coming to an end for the fiery Mark Hughes favorite. Bellamy is seeing a knee surgeon today after feeling discomfort in Manchester City's 1-0 loss to his old club West Ham yesterday. Bellamy was taken off 30 minutes early with the problem.

Enter Roque Santa Cruz stage left, Robbie Keane stage right, or Kenwyne Jones stage massive header up the middle?

Apple's CEO Steve Jobs Wins Carling Cup

Carling Cup hero Ben Foster watched clips of Tottenham players taking penalties on his video iPod just seconds before the shootout which ended with Manchester United winning the Carling Cup.

As manager Sir Alex Ferguson decided which players were going to take penalties after the match ended 0-0, Foster was looking at an iPod with goalkeeping coach Eric Steele.

"It is a new innovation for us," Foster said. "Eric brought it when he came to the club. I have never seen anything like it." Presumably, Foster has seen iPods before - but perhaps he has just never seen anything like studying the opposition on your iPod during the middle of a match. Incredible.

While Apple has already sold over 200 million iPods and leads the industry in innovation with its award winning Macintosh computers, it looks like Manchester United's goalkeeping coach Eric Steele is a bit of an entrepreneurial thinker himself. 

Kudos to you Eric Steele. Really brilliant stuff.

Win a Signed Cristiano Ronaldo Shirt

Butt Buddy and footie friend Footbo is offering a limited-edition official Manchester United shirt, signed by World Player of the Year Cristiano Ronaldo. All you have to do is to invite your football-fan friends to join you on Footbo.com.

Here's the good news - since I'm a member of Footbo.com - if you send me your name and e-mail address to nevercaptainnickybutt [at] gmail [dot] com I will automatically invite you to join the footie-crazed social community and thus, we will all be one step closer to the signed C-Ron shirt. You can also, of course, sign up for your free Footbo account, and if you like what you see - invite your own friends to join as well. 

Footbo is essentially the Facebook for footie fans. Meet supporters of your club from all around the world, predict competition results, interact with peers and rivals, and share great media. They aren't paying me for this promotion - they are just good people with a good product getting the word out about a new community.

So go out and make some footie friends and win yourself a C-Ron jersey.

PS You can look me up on Footbo (FantasyPremPundit) and don't forget - if I happen to refer the most friends to Footbo and win the C-Ron jersey, I will offer it to you guys - the loyal blog readers - since you make writing about the beautiful game a blast with your comments and great banter. Cheers.