Funny Feeling Friday: Drogba

Funny feeling Friday is basically a new way for me to display my (often wrong) instinct to the public. So, here's the inaugural edition. Basically, it's just a feeling I have about either an underrated, unpopular, or out of form player stepping up his game in the coming weeks.

My first funny feeling - Didier Drogba. Drogba is owned by only 1% of fantasy footie managers, whilst his striker partner Nicolas Anelka is owned by 20% of managers, but the Ivory Coast international looked at the top of his game against Juventus in the Champions League this week. I have a funny feeling that the very few Drogba owners will see better returns in the near term than the hundreds of thousands Anelka owners. 

A great weekend to all - wherever you are around the world.

EPL Gameweek 27 Fantasy Preview: I'm an Idiot

Before we jump into our weekend preview and look at (I) the best match (II) the most fantasy footie friendly encounter (III) a prediction of Premier League stud and dud performers and (IV) a weekly best eleven, I want to make a quick mathematical point about this dreaded fantasy footie gameweek.

Most of you are very knowledgeable fantasy Premier League managers, so you don't need me to preach to you the importance of limiting the number of - 4 point hits you take during the course of a fantasy season. They add up. 

But this week, with fantasy lineups in shambles (due to overdependence on Manchester United players, suspensions to "highly owned" players like Jose Bosingwa and injuries to "highly owned" players like Mikel Arteta) a few transfers may make the difference between a brilliant stretch run and a poor finish.

Take for example a "typical" top scoring fantasy team that is missing 3 Manchester United outfield players, Jose Bosingwa, John Paintsil, and Mikel Arteta. That's six men out. If you make one "free" transfer - you play with 9 players, leaving two empty slots. If you make 3 transfers, you take a - 8 hit, but mathematically, it's more advantageous than taking a - 8 hit during a 'typical' gameweek during the season, when you still have 2 pt substitutes available. 

So, the point is this: during a 'typical' week (when you have 2 pt substitutes available on the bench), a - 4 hit is rarely a good move - since the new acquisition needs to score 6 points (versus the 2 pt sub) just to break even. But in this atypical gameweek (the gameweek from hell) it's actually less of a financial burden to take a - 8 point hit - since you have zero 2 pt. subs available - the hit is actually just - 2 per player you bring in without a substitute (not - 4). And minus 2 really isn't that bad. Sorry for being so abstract/long winded. But it makes sense. 

If you can re-tool the team now with a - 4, - 8, or even - 12, and put out a healthy 11 along with setting up your team for the stretch run, then do it. Catch your mini-league leaders. Or if you are leading, put some room between yourself and your closest challenger. Be bold. Pull the itchy trigger finger. The world's economy is in tatters, so at least have yourself a fantasy financial spending spree. It feels good. Just do it. Now to the weekend preview...

I. Manchester City @ West Ham: Two teams fighting for a spot in the UEFA Cup next season who have offered some brilliant fantasy acquisitions this season (C. Cole and C. Bellamy to name two) square off at Upton Park. City's form has been patchy for much of the season, though Mark Hughes' men looked strong in claiming an away point at Liverpool last weekend. 

West Ham's midfield boasts some beautiful bargains: Scott Parker (5M), Mark Noble (5.2M), and Jack Collison (4.5M) are cheap and in-form - and the Hammers will live or die in the middle of the pitch through their three workmanlike playmakers.

City's defensive midfielders Kompany (5.4M, classified as a defender) and De Jong (5.5M) will be tasked with stopping West Ham's dirt-cheap trio from providing the service for Carlton 'Can't Control' Cole (6.2M) up front. As always, City will be led by Ireland - Bellamy - Robinho.

While I expect plenty of chances in this one, this game features two solid goalkeepers in Shay Given and Robert Green, and in the end, I expect a tight affair.

Prediction: 1 - 1 draw

II. Fulham @ Arsenal: It has to come sooner or later - the barrage of goals at the Emirates - so why not this week? Fulham are overachieving this year (thanks in large part to a tremendous home record) but are inconsistent on the road (0-0 at Anfield, 0-3 loss at Old Trafford). Arsenal are in 5th position and fighting for their Champions League lives. William Gallas and the tardy Kolo Toure have put their differences aside and formed an impressive central defensive partnership and have kept 5 straight clean sheets (in all competitions). It all spells bad news for Fulham.

Fulham have failed to win any of their 13 games away from Craven Cottage. Trust in your Arsenal studs - all across the pitch - from Gallas and Toure at the back - to Nasri in the midfield - to RvP up front. Gunners fans, and fantasy footie investors, should finally be rewarded. Who knows, maybe the baby-faced Arshavin will get in on the act too. Buy Arsenal.

Prediction: Arsenal 3 - 0 

III. Studs and Duds: The studs discussion this week really centers around the lack of studs for the Captain's Armband - with Ronaldo, Arteta, Vidic, and Berbatov all out this week. So, we need to focus on other Top 4 contenders - and look to Chelsea, Liverpool, Aston Villa, and Arsenal for some love. 

RvP is a stud selection for the Captain's Armband, though Gerrard and Torres both have injury concerns for Liverpool and should probably not be given the armband. Chelsea have a host of options - with Lampard the best, closely followed by Drogba and Anelka. Drogba looked magnificent against Juventus and has his confidence back. He could be a superb stud differentiator down the stretch - though 10.3M is a lot to spend on a 30-year old striker with only 1 Premier League goal this season. Finally, Aston Villa's studs were rested in the UEFA Cup this week, and Young, Barry, and Agbonlahor will look to dominate Stoke at home. Villa have failed to score in their last two Premier League home games (0-1 vs. Chelsea and 0-0 vs. Wigan) but should find it much easier against relegation battlers Stoke. I expect a 2-0 win for Villa.

Duds this week include Wigan's popular selections Kirkland, Figueroa, Valencia, and Zaki - at Stamford Bridge, as well as Fulham's high-flying attackers Murphy, Dempsey, and Johnson. Top fantasy managers have invested heavily in these two surprise Premier League outfits - but both will struggle to produce fantasy points on the road this week.

Everton players straddle the stud/dud fence despite playing the worst team in the league - West Brom. Investment in Baines, Jagielka, Cahill, Jo and Lescott is high (and perhaps for the really risky - worthy of the captain's armband) but WBA have scored 4 goals in their last three games and Scott Carson is a better 'keeper than you think. I see an Everton win, but it could be a boring 2-1 victory without the brilliance that is Mikel Arteta.

IV. EPL Gameweek 27 Best Eleven:

GK: Almunia

D: A. Cole - L. Baines - Arbeloa

M: Lampard - Kuyt - M. Taylor - S. Nasri - G. Barry

F: Van Persie - Drogba

Yossi!

Yossi! If only he had my looks. The guy is fantastic but not going to sell Armani cologne anytime soon.

What Time is It? Time for You to Get a Watch

My buddy and fellow blogger One-One-Eight is always urging me to market the "Old Trafford Sir Alex" watch. The long running joke is that Ferguson tells the referee how many minutes to add at Old Trafford. The camera always catches him looking at his watch at the end of regular time and telling the official exactly how long stoppage time will last. 

The watch sould have Fergie on the face. A red band and an "extra time" button that, when you hold it down, the second hand stops. When you release it, it springs back to where it should be.

Perhaps Kolo Toure (or Arsene Wenger) should purchase one of these commemorative watches. Despite the product's association with Manchester United, the Arsenal men are clearly in need of a Timex after Toure failed to show up to the pitch on time from the dressing room after half-time in Arsenal's match with Roma yesterday. 

The superstitious Ivorian believes he should be the last man to leave the dressing room and enter the pitch. Whilst that's not as crazy as Manchester City keeper Shay Given - who places a vial of holy water in the back of his net for each game - at least Given shows up for the proceedings on time.

With all of the prepubescent boys in the Gunners side, you'd think that Arsene Wenger would be used to dealing with the team's behavioral issues (not paying attention during training, throwing spitballs at Nicklas Bendtner, stealing Nicklas Bendtner's Proactiv solution from his locker, berating Nicklas Bendtner for still being a virgin, etc.) but now it looks like the boss needs to add Toure tardiness to his lengthy list of issues as he continues as headmaster of the highest paid pre-schoolers in world history.

Arteta Out, Essien In? The Bison Who's Stronger than (Mike) Tyson Returns

Why do Chelsea studs Frank Lampard and John Terry look so jolly? Well, they must have just read The Joy Online - a clearly joyful local newspaper from Accra that is reporting Michael Essien's imminent return to the Chelsea lineup.

Good news for both Lampard and Terry then - and their fantasy footie owners. With Essien out the whole season with a knee injury, Chelsea have lacked muscle in the middle. John Obi Mikel - an extremely poor man's Essien - did his best in the centre of the park - but does not compare to the 26-year-old deep lying playmaker Essien.

Essien, nicknamed 'The Bison,' which I'm pretty sure is just a fancy word that means 'buffalo,' is available at a cost of only 7.4M in the official fantasy Premier League game. With the similarly priced Mikel Areta now out for the season - perhaps fantasy footie managers will look to the bonus point magnet Mike when he returns to the Chelsea lineup next month. Essien will not only increase the value of Chelsea's defense but also it's attack - freeing Lampard (and Deco or Ballack) to bomb forward with reckless abandon while he holds down the fort. 

I've always been a huge Essien fan - and will be interested to see if he still has the athleticism and power to take over games for The Blues - even after his terrible knee injury. Bison are herbivores who graze on grass, and Chelsea fans will be hoping that Michael is up for the food cycle - a Champions League and FA Cup run to remember.

Bernard Mendy is Very Fast; Not Fast Enough to Start for Crap Hull City

Despite speed that shows him absolutely toying with Roberto Carlos in the above clip, manager Phil Brown somehow doesn't believe Bernard Mendy is worthy of a starting spot in Hull City's lineup.

The Tigers take on Tottenham Hotspur today at the KC Stadium, and Mendy will start the match on the bench. No worries for me, as Craig Bellamy is my fantasy-footie auto-sub, but as Hull have won only once in their last sixteen league games, you'd think that the speedy Mendy would get the start.

Arteta Out For Season

Major bummer for Everton fans. Following in the footsteps of the friendliest footballer on earth (Yakubu), in-form influential playmaker Mikel Arteta is now also out for the season.

The 26-year-old Spaniard faces several months on the sidelines after rupturing a cruciate ligament in his right knee within the first five minutes of Everton's match with Newcastle yesterday.

Everton could still have enough in the defensive tank to secure a UEFA Cup position (just barely) next season, but it's hard to imagine any offensive creativity without the fantasy footie-friendly selection Arteta.

Fantasy footie managers will now be looking to Aston Villa's Gareth Barry and Ashley Young, Manchester City's Stephen Ireland, Liverpool's Dirk Kuyt - or on the less expensive side - Bolton's Matty Taylor or West Ham's in form Scott Parker as possible replacements. Unfortunately, none match up to the brilliance that is Arteta. A mainstay in my lineup in past seasons and this season as well - his penalty duties, brilliance from set pieces, and bonus point magnet-like passing skills will be surely missed by many managers. Discuss suitable replacements in the comments. The floor is yours.

No Bonus Points for Brilliance?

Absolutely stunning. Like Nereida Gallardo stunning.

Nutmegged Rooney to Start against Blackburn

It seems like it's all Manchester United all the time on this blog lately... and rightly so - Sir Alex's side are not only the class of Europe but also the class of the fantasy Premier League.

Here's a quick clip of Rooney getting toyed with by a local Manchester boy - hope he can come up with a better effort in his first start back from injury, this weekend against Blackburn.

Rooney, Berbatov, Anelka, Drogba, RvP, and Torres - all healthy and set for starts this weekend - do you have them in your team?

EPL Gameweek 26 Fantasy Preview: 2/3 Down, 1/3 to Go

Amazingly, we still have 33% of the Premier League season left. Not much time, but surely enough time for 100+ point fantasy footie swings, and titles to be won or lost through brilliant decision making and tactical wizardry. According to UK bookmaker Paddy Power, it may be all over in the Premier League with Manchester United taking the title, but in our fantasy premier league world, we are going down to the wire...

Let's look at this week's (I) best match (II) most fantasy friendly encounter (III) a prediction of stud and dud performers and (IV)  a weekly best eleven lineup. As always, leave your opinions in the comments section.

I. Chelsea @ Aston Villa: A battle for third? Strange from both sides, but perhaps true. New manager Guus Hiddink takes charge of the Blues and jumps right into a Top-4 showdown on the road. Aston Villa has already drawn at home this season with Manchester United (0-0), Liverpool (0-0), and Arsenal (2-2) so a draw looks like the most probable result.

The player (and injury news) is pouring in so keep a close eye on the team news as you tinker with your fantasy lineups. Aston Villa may be without both Emile Heskey and James Milner (a recent fantasy favorite but now suffering from a thigh problem) but Villa will still be powered by the likes of Young, Barry, and Agbonlahor. John Carew could return to the Villa starting lineup to partner Agbonlahor.

Chelsea will be without Ashley Cole (suspended) and could be without Ricardo Carvalho (omnipresent hamstring injury) so youngster Michael Mancienne (a bargain at 5.0M) could be thrust into the starting lineup as Hiddink looks for some fresh faces to take charge.

Chelsea's leading scorer (20 in all competitions) Nicolas Anelka should partner Didier Drogba in a 4-4-2 up front. Anelka is only 15% owned and is priced at 9.6M - so he could be a good long term alternative and differentiator for those who have lost faith in the out-of-form Robinho. Anelka put a hat trick by Watford in the FA Cup just a few days ago. "Nice, I like," as Borat would say.

Chelsea are the only club not to have faced a penalty in the Premier League this season. Aston Villa are a draw machine at home and have a brilliant penaly taker (Gareth Barry). Hmmm... Just a gut feeling...

Prediction: 1 - 1 draw

II. Blackburn @ Manchester United: If you have gotten this far down the page, you are probably into footie in a serious way. I commend you for that, and I hope to provide some witty viewpoints here and there, decent suggestions once in a while, a bit of out of the box thinking, and some laughs. 

But, you will get none of that out of me right now: Manchester United are running away with it. You must feature two or three United players, as I've said for months - especially Vidic or Van der Sar, as I've said for months. One of my biggest regrets this Premier League season is dropping Van der Sar on November 4th at a cost of 5.9M. Oh well, you live and you learn, I guess the blog has messed with my head - as I'm on pace for my worst fantasy season in four years.

Nevertheless, I'm still smart enough to stack my squad with United players.

Prediction: 3 - 0 Manchester United

III. Studs and Duds: Super-stud Edwin Van der Sar has not conceded a goal in the Premier League in over 1,300 minutes. Buy and hold United's defense, despite the fact that Blackburn scored 3 against United in the Carling Cup Quarterfinals in December (5-3 United win). Manchester City season long studs Ireland, Robinho, and Bellamy turn into duds at Anfield this weekend. Bench them or drop them if you can afford to do so. I am high on Everton and the squad has studs a plenty - with Arteta, Cahill, Lescott, Jagielka and Jo the best of the bench. 

Blog favorite Robin van Persie, the next Ronaldo, looks a studly selection at home to Sunderland and could be worthy of the Captain's Armband for those trying to catch mini-league leaders. While little has been mentioned of Arsenal's defense this year (other than my favorite Swiss defender Johan Djourou proving to be a great budget option in the past) the Gunners have tightened up and the back four is set and healthy: Clichy - Gallas - Toure - Sagna - all are available for less than 6.4M and they face Sunderland, Fulham, and WBA in the next three. Not exactly tough matchups for those studs. 

Popular selections that are duds due to injury or suspension include Tim Cahill (suspended), Carlton Cole (injured), Rory Delap (suspended, still somehow 12% owned), Antonio Valencia (injury), Steven Gerrard (injury) and of course Ricardo Fuller (2% owned) and Jimmy Bullard (4% owned) are perpetual duds as they are out for the season.

IV. EPL Gameweek 26 Best Eleven:

GK: Almunia

D: Skrtel - Evra - Jagielka

M: Ronaldo - Arteta - Kuyt - Carrick - Kalou

F: Van Persie - Torres

I Wish this Kid Defending the Throw was Replaced with John Paintsil

However you spell his name - whether it's Paintsil or Pantsil - I'm pretty Pissedsil with him right now after his poor performance today at Old Trafford.
Three goals conceded. A yellow card. And now he's suspended for next weekend's match because of yellow card accumulation.
Ghana's starting right back has been a big time blog favorite in the past - especially due to his famous World Cup 2006 antics - but after his "cheating incident" earlier this year against Stoke, and his display today in Manchester, I'm having second thoughts.

Breaking News: Hyundai? Kia? Daewoo? More Koreans in the Premier League Please...

We are obsessed with Ji-Sung Park (and/or Park Ji-Sung). He has a great work ethic. He is fast. Fearless. Not a great dancer. But a good all around player. An example of a foreign player coming into the Premier League and producing the goods.

Looks like Wigan's Steve Bruce has a bit of a foreigner footie fetish too. Wigan's manager has already brought in his fair share of wildly successful foreign imports: Antonio Valencia (BMW), Wilson Palacios (Mercedes), Maynor Figueroa (Saab), and Amr Zaki (Porsche) - and it looks like he is now adding a Korean import (Hyundai?) to his growing list of non-European Wigan studs.

Bruce is closing in on a deal to bring Won Hee Cho to Wigan. Cho (or Won?) is a 25 year old midfielder and South Korean international. Colombian Hugo Rodallega joined Wigan in January but has yet to make a major impact. Perhaps Cho can.

I hope so. It's a great excuse to embed photographs of superb looking Korean footie fans and well, just fun for all involved.

Blog Buddy Bullard Busts a Knee (Again)

If you read the blog regularly you know we have always been big Bullard fans.

So, it is with great disappointment that we report our blog buddy's new (old) knee injury: which requires the creative midfielder to go under the knife in the US.

In other popular Premier League fantasy footballing injury news, the blog's favorite drink-driver Carlton Cole is out for a game or two with an ankle problem but Robinho is now fit after limping off with an injury mid-game at Portsmouth on Valentine's Day.

RvP the Next Ronaldo

With all the talk at Arsenal surrounding Eduardo's feel-good two goals against Cardiff in his return to football after a year long absence with a horrific broken leg injury, one man seems to be slipping under the (fantasy) footballing radar a bit. Robin van Persie.
I'm no Gunner, but I am a huge admirer of RvP. As some of you recall, I predicted this would be the "Year of RvP" from a fantasy footballing perspective back in August 2008 - and gave the Dutchman the Captain's Armband in my gameweek one lineup. And as some of you recall, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger rewarded my confidence in his striker by resting Van Persie on that opening day against WBA due to Champions League qualifying. Thanks, Arsene.
Wenger has notoriously rested and rotated van Persie thus limiting his fantasy premier league consistency and production in the past, but at just 25 years old, and with significant calf, foot, toe, and knee injuries presumably behind him - perhaps 2009 will be the year that RvP can finally break away from Wenger's coddling.
This could be crazy, but I am going to say that if Wenger cuts him loose (this is a huge if) - that in 2009/2010 RvP will produce a season that will statistically rival Cristiano Ronaldo's 2007/2008 Premier League campaign.
RvP is pure class. The best technique in the Premier League. A free kick that rivals Ronaldo's. A stone cold penalty taker. Speed, power, and aerial ability. Whilst he remains "touch and go" this season from a fantasy perspective due to a congested fixture list that sees the Gunners still involved in the FA Cup and Champions League, he remains the best future fantasy option in the game, in my opinion.
We are in line for another statistical aberration in 2009-2010, I can just feel it. Without a true "Ronaldo" performer in this Premier League season, fantasy football managers have been left frustrated - high expectations, minimal returns... Ronaldo has given us a bit, Lampard and Gerrard too, but those are the usual suspects. We yearn for something out of the ordinary in 2009-2010 - something Ronaldo-esque - and I know the man for the job:
With a fully fit Fabregas back in the Arsenal fold next season, look to van Persie to break Wenger's coddled shackles and give us the 225+ point fantasy season we crave from a Captain. Jot it down now. Call it a Monday evening hunch. Call it a baseless prediction. Call it what you want. But come gameweek one in August, regardless of opposition, I'm firmly affixing the Captain's Armband on van Persie's bicep once again. 
Let's just hope Arsene puts him on the pitch this time around.

Happy Valentine's Day (Ballack)

Happy Friday the 13th Day

Butt's Brain: The "Coach's Son" Theorem Disproved

• The US beat Mexico 2-0 last night in a World Cup qualifier. A rivalry that according to a Mexican World Cup blogger, is just "an excuse to hate the opposing nationality for 90 minutes when there really is no hate." No hate? Tell that to Mexico assistant coach Paco Ramirez.

• Ronaldinho used to be skinny. And he was a joy to watch. Today, with Messi, Kaka, and Ronaldo - we sometimes forget just how brilliant he was between 2002 and 2006. Just absolutely brilliant. [See clip above.]

• English born Jamaican striker Marlon King - the grandmaster of the unsuccessful short term loan in Premier League football - has been charged with sexually assaulting a woman at a night club. Yawn.

• In completely opposite news, class act Ryan Giggs follows up his classy finish over the weekend against West Ham by classily agreeing to a one year contract extension at Manchester United. Giggs is very old, but very good.

• Lastly, as those of us on the "wrong" side of the pond are still consumed with the US - Mexico coverage, I have to say, that only in America would the coach's son start for the national team. The good old fashioned "coach's son" theorem in the USA - play your next of kin for the full 90 minutes whilst leaving obviously superior soccer talent languishing on the bench just may have been disproved last night by the "Michael Bradley game-winner postulate."

Tim Cahill to the Seventh Degree: Celebrations

Thank you to Unprofessional Foul for the link. Here it is. A great celebration.

It's a slow week in the world of fantasy football - with international friendlies and World Cup qualifying taking center stage - but there's always room for an incredible goal celebration.

This one from Bournemouth's Lee "Muhammad Ali" Bradbury. Enjoy.

[via The Offside]

In Guus We Trust

The former De Graafschap, PSV, Fenerbahce, Valencia, Netherlands, Real Madrid, Real Betis, South Korea, and Australia manager, and tax evasion specialist - and current manager of Russia, has decided to take over at Chelsea on a temporary "caretaker" basis.

Chelsea's owner Roman Abramovich will now pay Gus twice - at Russia and at Chelsea - which is good news for the manager who seems to enjoy a little extra cash in his pocket, if you know what I mean...

Israeli Bar Rafaeli May or May Not Love Footie

I apologize. This post has nothing to do with football. Actually, I don't apologize. (See above.)

Last week, we mentioned Bar Rafaeli was probably Israel's most Googled celebrity.

Today, we can probably say that she is definitely Israel's most Googled celebrity. Sorry Yossi Benayoun.

With Adebayor Out, Arsenal Look to a few new Fantasy Faces

With stud striker Emmanuel Adebayor out for "three weeks" with a hamstring injury (every diagnosed hamstring injury in the history of football is for " about three" weeks and every single one lasts at least four - to - six) Arsenal must look to the bench for creative inspiration as they aim to battle for a Champions League birth.

But the loss is not as terrible as it seems... Adebayor, Togo's greatest front man, has scored just one goal in his last 7 Premier League games, and young Dane Nicklas Bendtner is eager to step up and fill the void.

Whilst fantasy managers may stay away from the incredibly inexpensive Bendtner (5.3M) and look to Robin van Persie (9.8M), Carlos Vela (5.8M), the returning Eduardo (8.4M) or the newly acquired Andrei Arshavin (9.5M) to fill Adebayor's loss - it's actually the cheapest of the bunch, Bendtner, who should get the call more often than not.

Van Persie is often rested due to his past injury woes, and neither Eduardo nor Arshavin are fully fit, so Bendtner looks a great bargain for a 3 to 4 game Premier League run.

If Eduardo and Arshavin do feature, perhaps Arshavin will come into the fold as an attacking midfielder, and perhaps Eduardo will come into the fold as a replacement for the rested Van Persie...

Keep an eye on the developments at the Emirates, because with 3 home fixtures in four (and Sunderland, Fulham, and WBA next) perhaps St. Nicklas is just coming to town a bit late in London this year - and the presents - goals - could be a great late season surprise.

Valentine's Day Sale at Never Captain Nicky Butt Store

The design ideas are flowing at the Never Captain Nicky Butt Store and our partner Spreadshirt is offering a special 14% off discount for all orders over $25.

The Valentine's Day Coupon code is FEB39 for those in the US and CADFEB39 for those in Canada and expires February 11th.

All proceeds from the shop go towards funding future prizes and contests about the beautiful game.

So grab a t-shirt for your buddies or even better, send us an email at NeverCaptainNickyButt [at] gmail [dot] com with your design ideas or a witty slogan for a new shirt. 

Breaking News: Scolari Sacked at Chelsea OR Russian Oligarchs Are Difficult to Please

Breaking news: Scolari sacked at Chelsea. 

He follows Avram Grant and Jose Mourinho out the door in just under a year and a half - and further proves that temperamental Russian oligarchs are perhaps not the best bosses in the world. While Abramovich spends his days begging the Kremlin for a loan, and sitting around playing FIFA 2009 on his Nintendo Wii all day, he can now add "finding a new manager," to his list of things to do.

Scolari was the worst of those three (the bronze medal to Grant's three silvers and Mourinho's closet of golds) but didn't have much of a chance to prove his worth.

[via: My internal sources at Chelsea. Actually, I just read Unprofessional Foul]

European Goal of the Year via World Cup Blog

Glad you have an Israeli at the helm here to translate the announcer:

The announcer says in Hebrew, "Woah... Woah... No one can understand, no one knows (no one can believe it), how has he done this!?! What a kid! What fun... everyone is on their feet... even us!"

[via World Cup Blog]

No Bombs or Bullets, Just Benayoun's Brilliance

Though Israel's greatest Googled celebrity still has to be the model Bar Rafaeli, with performances like the one he had today, perhaps soon we will all search for Benayoun.

Despite receiving little plaudits from the mysterious and woefully inaccurate Premier League "bonus point" committee, the Israeli national team captain, dubbed "The Diamond," in Israel - provided the creativity, pace, hustle, close control, and service that Liverpool lacked without Gerrard.

So, thank you Yossi. I am by no means a Liverpool fan, but at least the title race is still on.

And at least we have an excuse to link to a smorgasbord of Bar Rafaeli photos, who - along with the hot women of the IDF, now have a bit more competition in a few internet keyword search categories from the brilliant Benayoun.

Never Captain Nicky Butt Store's Soft Launch

We've had t-shirts on our mind for weeks now. Free t-shirts. Witty t-shirts. Clever one liners. And we've printed some basic ones (they are on the way) to offer for free to our loyal readers.

But now, we go one step further with the launch of the Never Captain Nicky Butt Store.

Check out our shop for some reasonably priced clever soccer t-shirts, all thought up by Butt's Brain. If you have any clever shirt ideas, email us at NeverCaptainNickyButt [at] gmail [dot] com.

Link to the store is here. All proceeds go to future Never Captain Nicky Butt contests and giveaways, so grab some clever tees for you and your mates.

EPL Gameweek 25 Fantasy Preview: City, City, and more City

We have a full slate of Premier League matches over the next few weeks (with some international friendlies and World Cup qualifiers too) so let's jump right in.

As always, let's look at (I) the best Premier League match this week (II) the most fantasy friendly match (III) a prediction of stud and dud performers and (IV) a weekly best eleven.

I. Fulham @ Wigan: I really love this matchup because it features two of the best jobs being done managerially across Europe this season. Instead of fighting for their lives in an attempt to avoid relegation, Fulham (9th) and Wigan ( 7th) are amazingly fighting for a place in Europe, and they have their managers, Roy Hodgson and Steve Bruce, respectively, to thank.

Both teams are extremely organized, solid at the back, and play with great passion. Both teams sit above Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur, Newcastle, Portsmouth, and other supposed "European" contenders or recent participants in the Premier League table.

And, both teams have been very active during the January transfer window - losing their biggest British stars, Heskey (Wigan to Aston Villa) and Bullard (Fulham to Hull) but bringing in reinforcements (Wigan - Mido, N'Zogbia/Insomnia, and Rodallega and Fulham - Barnes & Dacourt).

So, these teams are more similar then you think - and I expect a close one goal match at the JJB Stadium. Wigan will have stud Amr Zaki back in the lineup, and will be led at the back by in-form budget option defender Maynor Figueroa, who is the only Wigan player to have started every match for the Latics this season. 

Fulham will turn the midfield creativity over to Danny Murphy, Clint Dempsey, and Simon Davies in the absence of Jimmy Bullard, with youngster and new arrival Giles Barnes looking to push his way into the team in the near future. Dempsey has scored two goals in his four Premier League appearances against Wigan, and valued at just 5.0M could be a great budget option for fantasy owners.

Keep a close eye on super-cheap Fulham striker Erik Nevland (4.7M) who may get the chance to partner Andy Johnson up front, with former fantasy footie favorite Bobby Zamora sacrificed to the bench.

This game has draw written all over it for me. Both teams have some pace and creativity up front, and both have excellent goalkeepers and managers. Not much between these two surprising and up and coming sides then. Should be a fun one.

Prediction: 1-1 draw

II. Hull City @ Chelsea: Bosingwa may be a cheater, and Lampard may not be, but both are free to feature against Hull City, and could be joined in the Blues' lineup by new signing (the gypsy) Ricardo Quaresma. A fresh face (Quaresma) and some major relief (Lampard and Bosingwa) could prove to be a great combination to get Chelsea out of their post-Liverpool funk.

Hull will be without three of their best players (fantasy super-stud 4.0M Bernand Mendy is suspended and blog favorite Jimmy Bullard and Daniel Cousin are both suffering from knee injuries) and thus will be in for quite a long afternoon at Stamford Bridge.

Trust in Lampard, Kalou, and Chelsea's defense, but don't take a punt on Quaresma just yet - the 26 year old winger is likely to start on the bench as he is just acclimating to the British lifestyle.

The reverse fixture saw a convincing Chelsea win and I expect no different in this one.

Prediction: 3 - 0 Chelsea

III. Let's talk studs and duds, double gameweek edition. Studs Bellamy, Ireland, and Robinho should bring in the attacking points for City, with Wayne Bridge a possible differential selection at the back as well - but City's fixtures toughen up considerably after this gameweek, so proceed with caution. Stud to Dud Shaun Wright-Phillips may only be available for the first of City's two games in the double week, as he faces a charge of violent conduct by the FA. Stay away from SWP in the short term, then. West Ham sensation Carlton Cole turns from stud to dud this week as he faces the greatest defense in Premier League history with Manchester United coming to town. Cole is the budget striker of the year, and somehow even managed to pick up an undeserved 3 bonus points in a 0-0 draw with Arsenal last week, despite doing absolutely nothing. Shocking - the bonus point system. Just shocking. Regardless, Cole owners should stick him on the bench this week, he's a dud. 

Speaking of studs turned to duds - Fernando Torres may be fresh off two goals at home to Chelsea, but without the injured Steven Gerrard, could find life a bit tougher. Dirk Kuyt could start popping up from the midfield and cut through Portsmouth's surprisingly soft defense alongside Torres - or perhaps Yossi Benayoun or Ryan Babel will provide a bit of creativity, but it's still a Premier League away game - and Liverpool did not look fluid in the final third the last time out against Wigan, so I wouldn't expect a 4 or 5 nil bashing despite Pompey's poor form this season under new manager Tony Adams. Torres/Kuyt on the stud/dud fence then.

Cisse and Jones host Stoke - should be studly, while Newcastle bargain boy Andy Carroll looks set for another run out at WBA - he has started four straight games - and is only 4.9M.

IV. EPL Gameweek 25 Best Eleven:

GK: Van Der Sar

D: Paintsil - G. Johnson - A. Cole

M: Ireland - Ronaldo - Lampard - Arteta - Dempsey

F: Robinho - Berbatov

Borat Managing Amr Zaki's Press Releases; Zaki Fit for Fulham Clash

"The Zak Set to Back," reads the latest press release from Amr Zaki's official website. Good news for Zaki & Mido fans/fantasy owners as the Egyptian Goalscorers from Giza partnership resumes this weekend at home to Fulham.

I don't know what's more surprising - the fact that the injury prone Zaki has shrugged off his calf problem so quickly, or his strange decision to hire Borat to write and proofread his press releases.

Either way, the "Zak Set to Back."

Ji-Sung Park and/or Park Ji-Sung Clearly Not Coolest Manchester United Footballer

With all the Premier League talk surely focusing on the men at Old Trafford over the next few weeks - with games against West Ham and Fulham (great for fantasy owners) - and the chance to take a commanding lead over title rivals Liverpool and Chelsea (and Aston Villa) in the standings, this interview with United star Anderson seems to have fallen through the blogging cracks.

In yesterday's interview, Anderson calls Ji-Sung Park "the worst dancer" (along with goalkeeper Van der Sar) as well as the biggest tight-wad. "Park hates to spend his money!"

Despite Park's lack of skills on the dance floor, or his aversion to spending cash on hooker orgies like only Ronaldo, Nani, and Anderson know how, the small South Korean is actually one of my favorite players to watch.

Park's excellent pace and unparalleled industry and fitness are a joy to behold, and it's not surprising that Sir Alex Ferguson has selected the winger for United's biggest matches this season. Whilst he is not a factor from a fantasy footballing standpoint (only one Premier League goal this year), he's won me over as a class act.

So despite the terrible terrace songs often sung his way, Ji-Sung Park, or is it Park Ji-Sung, is really quite the impressive footballer.

Just don't expect him to take care of your bar tab anytime soon.

Breaking News: Gerrard to Miss Three Weeks

Gerrard ruled out for three weeks.  Yossi Benayoun, enter stage left. Dirk Kuyt, enter stage right.

Never Captain Nicky Butt Fantasy Soccer Free T-Shirt Giveaway Coming Soon...

Our Butt Buddies Battle of Brilliance soccer jersey contests were fun back in 2008, so we decided to print a few Never Captain Nicky Butt cotton t-shirts and ring in 2009 with some more footie related contests...

Because of the downturn in the economy, don't expect any serious Nike or Adidas branded quality stuff like you can pick up on Big Toe, but we'll try and get some decent tees printed in the next few weeks and send a few out to you guys, our loyal readers.

To attempt to cover the costs of getting the shirts printed as well as shipping & handling, I've decided to add some soccer-related banner advertising to the blog on the right hand side column. So click away and buy some gear! Just kidding.

But seriously, we are a small enough community that if you would rather not see these advertisements and thus not have free contest giveaways, let me know in the comments or send me an email at nevercaptainnickybutt [at] gmail [dot] com. 

The banners won't come close to covering the costs of all the t-shirts I want to get printed, but I only chose advertisers to work with (World Soccer Shop, Kitbag, Big Toe, and Wallbangers)  that I've found excellent deals at in the past, and can personally recommend as an actual shopper and user.

Lastly, please leave ideas for contests (Premier League score predictions? Champions League prediction contest?) in the comments, I'd love some fresh insight.

From Petah Tikva to Portsmouth? Perhaps.

My lady friend summed it up perfectly when I relayed the new Avram Grant news: "Your alleged favorite team is getting your alleged favorite coach."

In related news, Grant appeared on a radio program in the UK this week and had this to say about loudmouth Jose Mourinho, his Chelsea predecessor: "Does it surprise you he opened his mouth? You go to a restaurant sometimes, you know why the fish is on the table? Because it opened its mouth."

I have no idea what that means. What I do know, however, is that if Grant takes over at Portsmouth - we are in for some fun post match press conferences and embedded Youtube videos. Let's hope he gets the job.

Don't forget - Grant brought the best out of Joe Cole at Chelsea - what Mourinho had always appeared to want to stifle and leave on the bench. Further, under Grant - Michael Ballack started to link up well with fantasy (fat) Frank Lampard - both scoring crucial goals in the Premier League and Champions League and rewarding fantasy premier league owners.

Perhaps Grant's return to Premier League management will be good news then, for those few Peter Crouch, Jemaine Pennant, or David Nugent owners.

Breaking News: Andrei Oliver Twist Arshavin Classified as a Forward; Hoping for Porridge on Streets of London

It's official. Arshavin has joined Arsenal. Let the lineup speculation and Arsenal formation/tactics debates begin.

But in breaking news - the official fantasy premier league engine (enjoyed by millions around the world) has just added Andrei to the game, and has classified him as a striker worth 9.5M.

Classified in the past only as "a malnourished boy reminiscent of Oliver Twist," or "second striker/attacking midfielder from Leningrad," the (actually old but young looking) Russian will probably feature in a "free role" supporting RvP and/or Adebayor at Arsenal and thus will frustrate fantasy managers who select the short, skinny twinkle toed playmaker as an out and out striker.

Will Arshavin boom or bust? Leave your opinions / predictions in the comments.

Butt's Brain: Keane's Submarine, A Gypsy to Chelsea, and Good News for US Based Premier League Fans

A few fantasy premier league related items as we sort out Butt's Brain after the transfer window closes...

• Sung to the tune of "Yellow Submarine," we begin with Harry Redknapp's favorite song, "All I want is a team of Robbie Keane's, a team of Robbie Keane's, a team of Robbie Keane's." Defoe is out with a broken foot and Keane is back in London. In the official fantasy premier league game, Keane is priced at just 8.1M. A true bargain. Last year (though he was partnered with the game's silkiest, Dimitar Berbatov) Keane scored 15 goals and added 7 assists for Tottenham.  Expect Keane on penalties for Tottenham. Luka Modric will still pull the strings for Redknapp's relegation scared men, but those strings will be pulled in and around Keane - I expect production then in the final three months of the season from the Irish striker.

• A bit of Chelsea disciplinary news from the headmaster of all headmasters, the FA: Lampard red card rescinded - the correct decision. Bosingwa not punished for stamping - an incredible decision. 

• Some more Chelsea news: Ricardo Queresma comes in on loan from Inter Milan - a strange decision. As Stepovers Anonymous quips, "perhaps Scolari just wants another translator." Queresma has always had the ball tricks and the speed (a very poor man's Ronaldo) but has lacked the final product. Perhaps with fellow Portuguese speakers Scolari, Carvalho, Bosingwa, Ferreira, Deco, Mineiro, Alex, and Belletti he will feel comfortable and fulfill his potential. Doubtful. The coolest Queresma fact (by far) is his gypsy heritage - and I mean ethnically, not in the "traveller" sense - though he has featured for Sporting, Barcelona, Porto, Inter, and now Chelsea and is only 25. Queresma is a gypsy, literally and figuratively. A "Cigano." That's pretty cool.

• Jo joins Everton on loan from Manchester City. Nothing huge here, but Everton have an incredible set of fixtures on the way, and this move could slightly dent popular selection Tim Cahill's fantasy production. It remains to be seen if Moyes will use Cahill and Jo together in a 4-4-2, drop Cahill to a midfield role and use Jo at the top in a 4-5-1, or keep Cahill at the top in a 4-5-1 and bring Jo off the bench. This isn't CSKA Moscow anymore, so I doubt Jo will light up the league scoring charts, but with consistent starts under his belt, he could contribute. He's no Yakubu, but Moyes will take what he can get.

• Arshavin to Arsenal. Arshavin stays at Zenit. Arshavin to Arsenal. Arshavin stays at Zenit. The Aston Villa - Arsenal battle for 4th place gets a bit more interesting every passing hour...

• Fantasy premier league managers - don't forget (I doubt you would if you have gotten this far down the page and are still with me) that this week is a double gameweek for Portsmouth, Manchester City, Manchester United, and Fulham.  Though Fulham offer many bargain buys, they play two very difficult matchups away from home - where they have been far from productive this season - in fact, they have been pretty awful. Don't expect much from Fulham despite the cheap prices. Further, Manchester City have great double week matchups, but then face an impossible stretch of fixtures after the double week - so once again, proceed with caution. Portsmouth (bad) and Manchester United (good) are less "grey areas" and pretty self explanatory. Buy Vidic.

• ESPN is looking to buy Premier League television rights. Good news for those Premier League fans living in the US. The current offering in America - Fox Soccer Channel - is mediocre at best. Though I will miss Fox's commercials for Proactiv acne solution, Penny Talk Calling Cards, and Taylor Twellman's Kick-Medic training equipment if the ESPN deal goes through, I will definitely not miss Christian Miles.

Bosingwa a Very Expensive, Dirty Cheater

Fantasy Premier League owners of Jose Bosingwa will be disappointed to watch their prized defensive asset putting himself at risk for a retroactive red card and suspension from the Premier League's footballing body, the FA.

But perhaps fantasy owners should be less worried by a Bosingwa suspension than by Bosingwa's form. While his karate kick to Benayoun's back makes the headlines, let's look at the Congolese born, former FC Porto right back's recent fantasy premier league form:

In his last 5 games, Bosingwa has scored 0 - 0 - 2 - 6 - 1. Yikes. Those five matches have included two away fixtures with Manchester United and Liverpool, but have also included matches with Fulham, Stoke, and Boro.

Perhaps now is the time to pull the plug on expensive Jose from fantasy lineups...

Torres! Torres!

Torres and Liverpool just too good for Scolari's Blues at Anfield.

This Chelsea team is a shell of what it was under Avram Grant and Jose Mourinho.

Early season fantasy favorite Jose Bosingwa deserves a retroactive red card for his blatant kick to Benayoun's back. Frustration is one thing, but a dirty kick to the spine like that is another thing altogether.

Shameful.