A $700 Billion Bailout Plan He is Not: Expensive Berbatov Opens His Account

While the Bulgarian stock exchange has seen its value plummet a la the US stock market, Bulgaria's greatest footballing export Dimitar Berbatov seems headed in the opposite direction.

The expensive Manchester United striker opened his Champions League account today netting twice in United's 3-0 away win in Denmark.

It was certainly a day of expensive fantasy strikers finding the net. In addition to the high-priced Berbatov:

Robin van Persie scored twice for Arsenal. (Too expensive.)

Emmanuel Adebayor scored twice for Arsenal. (Too expensive.)

Wayne Rooney scored once for Manchester United and then left with an injury. (Too expensive.)

While these fantasy studs are clearly in-form after impressive Champions League displays, we here at Never Captain Nicky Butt urge managers to approach high-priced strikers with extreme caution.

For every fantasy soccer manager that plays it smart with a muscular in-form Zaki or drink-driving Cole there is another who still clings on to both Rooney and RvP while sacrificing the ability to pick up midfield maestros (and more consistent fantasy performers) blog favorites Ronaldo, Lampard, and Ashley Young.

We think that between Zaki, Defoe, Alves, and Yakubu, there are enough "medium priced" options out there that will hit double digit goal returns this season. Why spend 9.5MM for 17 goals from van Persie when you can spend 8MM for 17 goals from Defoe?

Berbatov looks good in a suit, but perhaps that suit is just too expensive for the common (fantasy) man(ager). 

I'll take Defoe or Zaki in a track suit over the silk red Manchester United tie any day. 

Drink-Driving Carlton Cole Celebrates with Goal: Ashton Injury Re-aligns West Ham Stars

A few player thoughts as the fantasy premier league pundits continue to offer our satisfaction guaranteed or your money back fantasy premier league tips and suggestions...

While the US has not yet agreed on a $700B bailout plan, we warned you (and begged you) to select Cristiano Ronaldo as the $14M bailout plan in your side. Everyone should select Ronaldo as their fantasy premier league captain, but the best player in the world is still only selected by 12% of managers. That's weak. Step it up or prepare for a long season a la Tottenham near the bottom of your fantasy premier league table.

Though Ronaldo comes with an exorbitant price tag, let's take a quick look at some "value for the money," picks that are in form and should be considered by all:

Amr Zaki (24% owned). There are 1,582,486 managers playing Fantasy Premier League on premierleague.com and all 1,582,486 managers should own this player. You only have an excuse if a) you hail from Saudi Arabia and don't want to select a player from your Egyptian rivals or b) you know the Wigan striker personally and Zaki's girlfriend is your ex. That's it. I can imagine no other reason for this player not being universally owned. He leads all forwards in goals (5) and bonus points (9).

Carlton Cole (6% owned). Cole is second only to the aforementioned Zaki in terms of fantasy premier league bonus points (8). He has quietly established himself as West Ham's go-to target up front, and is enjoying a resurgence under former Chelsea teammate Gianfranco Zola. Cole is cheap (5.5M) and the Hammers are in form. Dean Ashton is made of glass. Carlton Cole is made of bonus points. Pick Cole.

Armand Traore (1% owned). The former Arsenal man is in fine company as one of the most interesting "out of position" fantasy premier league plays this season. The Portsmouth left winger gets forward and he is a great value at 4.5MM.

Antonio Valencia (9% owned). The Wigan midfielder is a Denilson like selection. Priced at only 6.1MM, he could be an enticing option for frustrated Morgen Gamst-Pederson, Luka Modric, or Stewart Downing owners. However, most fantasy managers have decided to go with Manchester City's Stephen Ireland.

Gameweek 6 Fantasy Preview: Bailout Plan, Anyone?

While economic pundits debate whether or not the US Congress should approve a $700B dollar bailout plan for what was (formerly) the world's most powerful economy, fantasy soccer pundits around the globe debate soccer's big bailout plan: Cristiano Ronaldo. Manchester United fans were happy to see Ronaldo score in his midweek fixture without even ruining his perfectly coiffed hairdo, and the Red Devils mid-table bailout looks like it is underway...

Let's get right to our three-part weekend preview: looking at (I) the best overall premier league matchup, (II) the best fantasy-friendly matchup, and (III) an analysis of "studs" and "duds."

As always, we'd love to hear your thoughts/comments at nevercaptainnickybutt [at] gmail [dot] com and will be posting your particularly insightful and incendiary comments in the future.

I. Liverpool @ Everton: With local bragging rights up for grabs, both of these teams will look to turn it around after disappointing draws last weekend. In-form Everton midfielder Mikel Arteta missed the Toffees' midweek Carling Cup loss to Blackburn with a virus, and is always the conductor of Everton's most beautiful displays. Even with Arteta's influence, Everton are conceding too many goals, and last year's stud Joleon Lescott should not be selected by fantasy managers. Liverpool is organized at the back and should pull out a 2-1 away victory.

Fantasy managers may be tempted by the finally fit Louis Saha (he always does seem to score when healthy), Yakubu, or Osman/Cahill attacking from the midfield, but could find it tough this weekend. As for Liverpool's stars, they have yet to hit the ground running, but with that much class in the attack, it's only a matter of time.

II. Hull City @ Arsenal: We know Chelsea visit Stoke, and Manchester United host Bolton, but the tastiest fantasy matchup on paper will probably take place at The Emirates Stadium on Saturday. While only one of the four pundits here at Never Captain Nicky Butt is an Arsenal supporter, no one can deny that the Gunners play beautiful football.

Rested midweek, RvP, Adebayor, Fabregas, and Denilson are all excellent options. Walcott/Eboue fall into that category as well but are slightly riskier plays as they are not "firmly established" in the Gunners' starting eleven. Almunia and the defense look stronger than last year, but are still susceptible in the air/on set pieces. Look for a 4-1 Arsenal win.

III. Fantasy Studs & Duds - Gameweek 6: Chelsea's Alex (5.6MM) is a strong value play as he should partner John Terry in the Blues' defense for the next month or two. If you want to get cheeky, and need to replace the injured Carvalho look at possible one-week stud Mikael Silvestre (5.5MM), though his long term place in Arsenal's back line is far from enticing.

Ashley Young is in-form and playing at home, and could be a great selection for Deco owners who need to get rid of the injured former Barcelona stud. Blog favorite Denilson, Joe Cole, and Shaun Wright-Phillips are other similarly priced "stud" replacements. Blackburn have now kept two consecutive clean sheets and face a Newcastle team in turmoil. Keep an eye on that matchup, as a Blackburn selection or two could pay off great dividends...

Duds? Any Newcastle player besides Michael Owen (and perhaps Obafemi Martins, if fit). Surprisingly, Portsmouth players. I LOVE the Defoe/Crouch partnership for the long term, but this weekend just doesn't look great. Portsmouth's best passers are all injured (Davis, Diop, Kranjcar, and Diarra) and unless Glen Johnson and Armand Traore can play the game of their lives on the wings against Bentley/Lennon, Portsmouth will have a hard time against Tottenham. The Spurs may be struggling mightily, but Portsmouth have lost their last two matches by a combined 10-0 scoreline. Could we see a shocker at Fratton Park with a Tottenham away win?!

Good luck to all. Let us know who you think will be this weekend's studs & duds!

A Delightful Brazilian Not Named Robinho

At 6.4, Denilson is an absolute heist. Like the Jules Rimet Cup. I think that the media may have this one right. The 20 year old is ready, willing, and able to play first team football at Arsenal. He put his stamp on last week’s match away to Bolton. In five league appearances, Arsene Wenger has realized great returns from the Brazilian.

Played interchangeably with the currently injured Samir Nasri, his value holds true from a fantasy perspective. Denilson is Arsenal’s highest scoring player going into this weekend’s fixture against Hull with 32 points. Fabregas (9.9M) has 13. Remember that everyone finds some action on the perfect pitch at the Emirates.

Hull will be outclassed on Saturday. Denilson’s pace and finishing touch will make him a threat as a creator and a scorer in the centre midfield. If you don’t own an Arsenal midfielder, purchasing the promising Denilson will boost your squad’s production and give you an unnecessary excuse to watch some beautiful football.

Carling Couple of Thoughts with Cristiano

Now, the fantasy slave is really back. Cristiano returned to the starting lineup today in third round Carling Cup action and scored a typical Cristiano-like goal, rising above two defenders in traffic and sending a powerful header into the back of the net.  After today's performance, it's only a matter of time before the 8% owned Ronaldo skyrockets to 25 or 30 percent ownership amongst star-struck fantasy premier league managers. Owning CRon is like owning Google's new G1 phone. Will you be an early adopter or a laggard?

Some general premier league fantasy-specific thoughts coming out of the Carling Cup:

Liverpool right back Phillip Degen broke a few ribs in Liverpool's win over Crewe. Fantasy implication: 3% owned Alvaro Arbeloa looks set to continue his run in the side with little fear of rotation. Could be a great alternative to Carvalho owners looking to save some money as they pursue Ronaldo.

Arsenal thrashed Sheffield United. Adebayor, Fabregas, Denilson and RvP were all rested, and obviously all look to be excellent plays this weekend at home to Hull City. Look at RvP if you can't afford Adebayor and Denilson if Cesc is too rich for your Ronaldo-obsessed blood. The Gunners are in excellent form.

Emanuel Pogatetz sees red. If you own Emanuel Pogatetz, you probably need more help than this blog can offer.

Ridiculous Rotation: Fantasy Fringe Players Get a Chance

A few thoughts as fantasy managers get their heads around the unlikeliest of heroes Salomon Kalou and Ji-Sung Park coming through in the clutch at Stamford Bridge this past weekend.

We know about Rafa's dreaded rotation policy at Liverpool. But let's take a closer look at a few other short-term and long-term rotational and injury quandaries that could affect thousands of fantasy premier league managers this season.

• Wes Brown & Gary Neville. The 33-year old Neville (pictured above with juice box in hand) is back after missing the entire 2007-2008 season. But who could have predicted that England's most capped right full back would regain his starting place over the younger, quicker, and in-form Wes Brown? A stunning turn of events for fantasy managers and United fans in general. At this point, neither Neville nor Brown are fantasy options, until one gets injured or Sir Alex stops his right-back rotation and chooses a true number one.
  
  
• Robin van Persie. The Dutchman has started three Premier League games this season and has scored three goals. A superb return. Valued at 9.5MM he is much less expensive than Adebayor (3 goals, owned by 20% of teams) and Torres (1 goal, owned by 31% of teams), but is only owned by 9% of teams. RvP takes Arsenal's free kicks and penalties, and is obviously in form, so why has Arsene Wenger rested his young striker against both WBA and Bolton? RvP has a history of injuries and both the WBA game and the Bolton game were Saturday games after mid-week Champions League away fixtures. If you do decide to go with RvP over Adebayor or Torres, pay close attention to Arsenal's European ride or you may find yourself surprised to see your 10M pounds getting splinters in its arse.
  
  
• Lastly, let's take a quick look at Chelsea's fresh injury problems. Both Deco and Carvalho injured themselves this weekend, freeing up playing time for blog favorite Michael Ballack and stocky Brazilian free-kick mastermind Alex. Keep a close eye on Ballack and Alex. At their current valuations, and with a favorable fixture schedule ahead, they could produce Top-4 fantasy points at mid-table prices.

Match Day Musings, Fantasy League Style

A big day of footie for me, as I was able to take in three-of-four early matches this morning (a great combination of live video streaming & TV), my weekend pub team is holding a practice to kick it about in two hours time, and I'll be attending the "other football" tonight at the Home Depot Center. The beautiful game 24/7. Just how we love it.

Here's my quick look at the early Saturday matches, and some fantasy implications.

Sunderland 2 - 0 Middlesbrough: The only match I didn't catch live. Downing with a missed penalty (lots of missed/saved penalties thus far this season) and substitute Chopra with two late goals earning Roy Keane's men the derby win.

Fantasy players to watch: Craig Gordon & Alfonso Alves. As a value play, Scotland's number one goalkeeper is always an intriguing play, but with Aston Villa and Arsenal on the horizon, perhaps now is not the best time to take a punt on the superb shot-stopper.

Alves didn't score today, but he will come good. WBA & Wigan are next, and the Brazilian has netted 7 times in 15 appearances for Boro, an incredible return. With Downing missing his second penalty of the season, you can all but guarantee that Alves will soon be stepping up to add penalties to his free-kick duties. At 7.5MM, Alves is a bargain, and I am positive he will hit double digit goals this season. A Zaki/Alves long term strike force could turn up to be the value play of the season.

West Ham 3-1 Newcastle: Gianfranco Zola's claret and blue army pestered Given's goal all afternoon, and don't say we didn't warn you. Two goals from David Di Michele (priced at 6.0MM) did the trick and only a superb goal by skipper Michael Owen broke up the Hammers' clean sheet.

Fantasy players to watch: Noble, Carlton Cole, & Faubert. Now is the time to buy West Ham players. With Dean Ashton sidelined for a month with (another) ankle problem, West Ham's attack will continue to build off of Carlton Cole's deft touches as the holding striker. Cole, Noble, and Faubert are all priced at 5.5MM and should reward fantasy managers with some beautiful attacking football. Honorable mention to Etherington (5.5MM) and even Scott Parker (5.0MM).

Liverpool 0-0 Stoke: We were spot on about Dossena and Liverpool's great defense, but were shocked at the Reds' lack of finishing. Steven Gerrard had a goal disallowed for offside, and Torres and Keane could not get going.

Fantasy players to watch: Stoke City's Ireland international Rory Delap (4.6MM) is involved in most of the Potters' set pieces but the schedule does not look good going forward. Yossi Benayoun looked the liveliest for Liverpool in his limited second-half action, but is never a guarantee for playing time, and at this stage should not be owned.

Blackburn 1-0 Fulham: I had a feeling Paul Ince's men could hold Fulham when I benched Bullard in favor of Carlton Cole, and the Rovers squeaked out a home victory. A clean sheet for Paul Robinson. You don't read that sentence often. Fulham have now lost on the road to Hull and Blackburn. They look superb at home, but are suspect away from Craven Cottage.

Fantasy players to watch: Bullard, Murphy, Gera. Despite the road loss, Fulham's experienced midfielders come on the cheap. A trip to West Brom is followed up by a home game with Sunderland, and the veteran trio should provide more in attack in the next two matches than they could muster today.

Gameweek 5 Fantasy Preview: Market Uncertainty Grows

As investors around the world frantically move their money into safer investments in the midst of a financial crisis, fantasy premier league managers all over the world are hunkering down and preparing for the biggest market event of the fantasy season: the return of fantasy slave Cristiano Ronaldo.

In our Gameweek 5 preview, we'll stick to the classic writing rule of "threes," because frankly, opinions are just more effective when presented in threes. In the comments section, let us know if you think our perspectives are heroic, like Dumas' Three Musketeers, or just outrageous and off-kilter, perhaps like the Three Stooges.

Our three-part weekend preview will consist of I) a fantasy examination of the best all-around league encounter of the weekend, II) an examination of the best fantasy-friendly matchup of the weekend and III) a stream of consciousness prediction at this round's fantasy studs and duds.

I. Manchester United @ Chelsea: From a fantasy perspective, this rivarly sees a full-strength Chelsea (minus Essien) facing a Red Devils' team that should feature new signing Dimitar Berbatov and the world's greatest Ronaldo playing together for the first time. A spectacular offensive show should then be expected with goals galore, right? Wrong. Man Utd. are far from in-form and Stamford Bridge isn't exactly the place where teams turn it around. Both teams are very organized at the back and Chelsea should pull out a 2-1 home victory.

Bosingwa/Ashley Cole could be decent options on the flank as they look to get forward at home. Stay away from United's suspended Vidic. His replacement, Jonny Evans, comes cheap, but should be avoided as well. "Hold" Chelsea stars (Lampard, Deco, etc.) if they are in your long-term plans, but if you plan on bringing in Ronaldo over the next few weeks, this weekend could be a good time to drop some of that expensive Chelsea baggage in favor of an Arteta or Gareth Barry.

II. Stoke @ Liverpool: The Potters conceded three at home to Everton last weekend, and they travel to Anfield in 19th position in the league. If you can afford them, Gerrard/Torres are obvious plays. Will Robbie Keane ever wake up? Liverpool's defense is less enticing as Rafa Benitez tends to rotate the squad against inferior opposition, but Andrea Dossena looks a great selection at left back as Fabio Aurelio is struggling with a calf problem. A Dossena for Vidic move, then, seems like a no-brainer for those holding the suspended Serbian...

Honorable mention for "tastiest" fantasy matchup goes to David Moyes' Everton men. Arteta, Cahill, and Yakubu are all more affordable options than "Top 4" strikers/midfielders, and on this weekend, could pay major dividends. Also look at Anichebe, if he plays, he could be a great bargain with a goal/assist.

III. Fantasy Studs & Duds - Gameweek 5: With Ashley Young and John Carew possibly missing out this weekend through injury, value plays James Milner and/or Marlon Harewood could get going @WBA. Studs? Not exactly, but Harewood is outlandishly cheap at 4.8MM. Stay tuned for injury news coming out of that one. Bentley is at home to Wigan in case Young does miss out.

Arteta, Leon Osman, and Cahill look the best bet for mid-priced value scorers this week as Everton turn the ship around.

Duds? Stay away from Newcastle's defense traveling to West Ham. Despite Given's incredible start, he doesn't look like a great selection and should not be played. Furthermore, though Portsmouth look very strong in their new wing-back formation (Armand Traore is a must-watch and heck of a long term pick!), it will be a tough go away to the new-look Manchester City. Hold Portsmouth players, but do not buy them.

Good luck to all. Let us know who you think will be this weekend's studs & duds!

In Fine Kompany

England under-21 starlet Michael Johnson signed a 5-year extension with Man City today. Two months ago, this would have been massive news for Mark Hughes' club. Now, it causes some problems for fantasy managers who want in on the club's promising start to the season. A dense fixture list combined with a number of key players on the cusp of fitness should make for some unpredictable squad selections.

At full strength, Man City are a fairly large squad and we could see any of the following in the midfield: Ireland, Wright-Phillips, Johnson, Elano, Martin Petrov, Hamann, and Kompany. Not quite Chelsea's midfield congestion, but damn close.

Pick of the litter is "defender" Vincent Kompany (₤5.5MM). Like American Clinton Dempsey (₤5.2MM) last year, his role on the field is different than his listed position. Kompany will find his way into the attack and earn defenders’ scoring (4 pts.) for clean sheets.

Jo, Robinho and Benjani Mwaruwari (remember him?) are among the classiest players on the team but I wouldn’t go near any of them until mid-October, when Hughes’ men face Stoke, Middlesbrough, and Bolton in a three week stretch. At that point we’ll know if Robinho is manly enough to play in England.

There are 104 days until both the January transfer window and the Abu Dhabi United Group’s check book open, but in Manchester it’s already a little easier to be blue.

Ballack Loves Porsches and Playing Time; Only Gets Porsches

Michael Ballack came on for Deco in Chelsea's 4-0 victory over Ligue 1 side Bordeaux on Tuesday. While the game was already decided at the hour mark, Ballack's first appearance of the year should be a welcome sight to Chelsea supporters.

The occasionally controversial Germany captain found his form quickly after returning from injury in last year's campaign, but the question begs itself: Where does he fit in the crowded Chelsea midfield? The red hot tandem of Deco and Frank Lampard are unlikely to be moved by "Chelse-a" manager Phil Scolari and Ballack looks like a long term substitute as it stands.

Turning 33 next Friday and at a cost of 8.8MM, he looks to be highly overvalued. However, Herr Ballack actually has a great fantasy record at Chelsea - 1400 minutes played (16 games) last year yielding 98 points (6+ per 90 minutes).

Bottom line is this: Michael Ballack is experienced, highly decorated, and will be invaluable to Big Phil in Europe this year. But until the Chelsea Physio Team is called to duty for yet another blue midfielder, Ballack will be spending the majority of his weekends on the bench picking his own all-time XI. Spend your free 8-9MM on Gareth Barry. Feeling foolish? Save up to swoop for Ronaldo (14MM) and his hair product (2MM).

Deco Owners, Beware: In the (possible but not probable) event that Scolari goes with his three attack-minded veterans (Ballack, Lampard, and Deco) and drops Mikel to the bench, Deco could see his fantasy value significantly drop as he takes on a deep-lying midfield role in front of the back four. Regardless, Deco scored only one goal in La Liga last season and only one goal in La Liga in the 2006-2007 season. Not good. Not good at all. You have been warned.

The Fantasy Slave is Back: Part II

In Part I of our point-counterpoint series, Ibracadabra drooled at the prospect of Ronaldo's bright red boots returning to fantasy action, his heart palpatating as if Keira Knightley had just woken up beside him.

In Part II, OneOneEight responds:

Ronaldo won't score as many goals this year. He was the first midfielder in Premier League history to lead the league in scoring. Yes, he took free kicks and penalties. Yes, he was good in the air. Yes, he made defenders and goalkeepers look helpless. BUT, his psychological edge from last season was dulled by injuries, a ho-hum Euro 2008 showing and an inevitable degree of preparedness by other teams in the Prem.

At a cost of 14.0, think what you could get instead. Two quality players to spot start based on the fixture list. Given recent form, the 1-2 punch of new Wigan signing Amr Zaki (6.4) and the new look Stephen Ireland at Man City (5.8). The Egyptian Zaki can shoot from distance, pass, and finish in the box. In a pacey Wigan side, this is a recipe for consistent production.

Stephen Ireland has found himself in a prime spot. In the middle of Man City's Brazilian zone. Surrounded by Elano, Robinho, and Jo, the hard working Ireland has already found plenty of space to provide service and put away a few rebounds.

Finally, in my opinion, the must have is Fabregas. It might be that he sends a box of Krispy Kreme to the football writers each Saturday morning or that he is the source of Arsenal's beautiful football, but he is a bonus point machine. At 9.9, I gladly picked him over Ronaldo and applied the four point surplus toward upgrading my scrub striker to Dimitar Berbatov.

Berbatov is (surprisingly) motivated, he can pass and score (more goals and more assists than Gerrard since coming to the Prem), and will be the prime benficiary of the return of C Ron. In 1994-95, Alan Shearer scored 34 goals for Blackburn. He tallied 31 the following season. Ronaldo won't have this sort of encore.

What will last longer this season: Ronaldo's ankle or United's shirt sponsor?

The Fantasy Slave is Back: Part I

Welcome to our first point-counterpoint debate. In Part I, Ibracadabra advocates dropping all other fantasy footie thoughts and jumping on the Ronaldo bandwagon:

The world's best fantasy footballer and modern day slave is back.

With Manchester United's amazing winger Cristiano Ronaldo returning to Premier League action this weekend, we here at Never Captain Nicky Butt are urging all fantasy footie managers to take serious notice.

While some Man United fans are wondering if the Red Devils will have to forgo alternate kits because their sponsor AIG will only have money left over for home and away jerseys due to investment banking write downs, the real question lies not in the financial markets but on the pitch: Is Ronaldo worth it?

At a fantasy price tag of 14 Million, The Portuguese playmaker doesn't come cheap, but he's worth every last cent.

You may think you're brave for sticking to your guns, Deco's and Arteta's ablazing, as you ignore the man who ruled the world during the 2007-2008 season and write his 31 goals off as a one year aberration. After all, he only scored 17 the year before.

"Surely, with Berbatov now at United, Ronaldo won't be as valuable. I'll go against the grain and spend my money elsewhere."

That would be a massive mistake. Like starting a Derby County defender in 2007-2008. I'm pretty sure I scored against Derby County last year. Twice.

Owning Ronaldo is not a matter of "if," it's a matter of "when." It may be "boring" to own Ronaldo (after all, by Christmas, everyone else in the league will also own him), but boring wins.

Be a winner. Be boring. Pick Ronaldo.

The (Real) Fantasy PremierLeague Pundit(s)

Welcome. Bienvenidos. Brochim Ha ba' im.

We are: a banker living in Cincinnati, a lawyer in Chicago, a doctor in Nashville, and an entrepreneur in Los Angeles.

But if you're looking to embark on The Oregon Trail, you've come to the wrong place.

(If you do decide to leave our world of fantasy footie and play the classic computer game, we highly recommend playing as a "farmer from Illinois" or "carpenter from Ohio," - the lower income professions get a higher final bonus, and only a greenhorn would begin the game as a "banker from Boston.")

We, like you, are fans of the beautiful game. Soccer (Football) - the opera of the people.

While two of us were born abroad (one in a member state of the AFC and the other in a footie-obssessed UEFA nation), our two American colleagues actually possess substantially superior high school goal scoring statistics and successes. And that's the team.

Our aim: To provide witty fantasy soccer commentary on the Premier League, in our opinion the best soccer/football league in the world. There are dozens of excellent premier league blogs out there but none with the intellectual horsepower from a fantasy Premier League perspective that we have here at Never Captain Nicky Butt.

As fantasy premier league veterans, we will provide analysis/tips for our readers, but most importantly, we hope to attract a community of like-minded fantasy premier league lovers or addicts to voice their opinion about Amr Zaki's prowess or the fact that Dean Ashton is clearly made of glass.

After a particularly brilliant or witty post, we will proceed to run around our office/apartment and suck our thumbs in celebration.

We reserve the right to inject pop culture or political perspectives into our commentary and invite you to join our community, as passerbys, wallflowers, or active commenters!

- Ibracadabra & the team.